I just read Leah’s blog, and feel like my thoughts are so much the same, and yet my way with words isn’t quite as lovely. Read it – it’s great! (http://www.leahanderson.theworldrace.org/)
I know I have shared a bit of what I have been processing through in certain areas of my heart, and there is more, but I feel you all deserve a little background to where I am right now.
Team ZEO arrived here in Gordon’s Bay area after an adventurous journey from Swaziland to Pretoria; Pretoria to Jeffery’s Bay; J-Bay to here (on the way, we bungee jumped from the highest bungee point in the world!!), just outside of Capetown. As I have mentioned, we are staying with Tom and Cindy Sipling, an American couple who have moved to South Africa, with their 21year old daughter Brittany to minister to the people down here, as God has called them to do.
We came with no expectations except that we would pray and see where and when God calls us to something or somewhere else. I knew right off the bat that the Holy Spirit had told me to stay here for the rest of our time in Africa, regardless of what the rest of the team was doing. I didn’t fully understand this, as we are a team, but stepped out in obedience to God’s voice, knowing that is the safest step, even when it’s illogical.
After a couple days, Lynette felt like she is called to be here, even though the others are leaving for a trip up north. Then, after great inner struggle, Amy also heard the Lord speak and tell her to stay, despite the fact that she deeply desired to go.
The other three, James, Leah, and Sarah began making plans to go north, initially Zambia and Zimbabwe with a group from J-Bay. However, as days passed and we continued to pray, that plan fell through, so they have changed their plans. They leave tomorrow (Sunday) morning on a bus to Namibia, where they will connect with a local contact there. From there, they may proceed to Zimbabwe or Zambia, but that is not yet set.
As we stay here, under the discipleship of Tom and Cindy, the greatest thing we are learning seems to be contradictory to the mainline understanding of missions and ministry. ‘
Be Still and Know That I Am God.’ We are learning to be still. We are spending time quiet with Jesus, time in prayer together, and opening our eyes to the ‘ministry’ we encounter around us everyday. This includes each other, Tom and Cindy, their friends, the coffee/internet shop lady, and the petrol pumper.
I have to admit, it is hard to simply be still. I love to pray though, and we are delving into corporate prayer in a new way here – Amy, Tom and I. It’s not what I thought I would be doing in Africa. It’s not what is expected of a missionary in Africa – to sit and be still when there are thousands of orphans out there to be fed, touched and loved.
I blogged earlier about how my view on ‘ministry’ is being altered. I think the greatest thing I am learning is that I can go feed and hold orphans, but if I don’t have the heart of Jesus in me, then it’s not that valuable in the big picture- the kingdom picture. That almost sounds heretical even as I type it, but I believe it’s true.
My purpose as a daughter of God is to reveal the Father, and if I don’t know what he looks like, or if I am not in tune with his heart, how can I reveal him? This isn’t to say that I never have, and I’m getting to some phenomenal breakthrough point now, but just to say that God has said to slow down what I am doing, in order to know Him more. We are taking time to sit at the feet of Jesus and be loved by him and worship Him. We are taking time to come boldly before the throne of the Most High God on behalf of others. We are taking time to be quiet and listen to his voice, becoming more familiar with the sound of his gentle whisper, as well as the stern voice of our loving and disciplining Father. Beyond that, we are challenged to truly be obedient when we hear him speak to us. It’s easy to pray, and to learn to listen – the hardest part is the obedience – immediate, radical obedience. I must learn to trust and obey – stepping out on a limb because God told me to, even if I don’t know if it will hold me. I must continue to learn childlike faith in the midst of a culture that overanalyzes and complicates things. When He speaks, I obey. That is my heart.
So here we will stay until the Holy Spirit gives us direction to go do something else. I believe it’s coming soon – we certainly won’t be in the house all day for a month (I’d go crazy for sure), but we will wait until we hear from Him before we move.
Our prayer times have been really good lately – Amy and I are growing in our intercession giftings now that we have the time to invest in learning. Tom challenges us everyday to see things differently, to pray prayers that will change our lives, not simply sound pretty, and to deeply look at the life of Jesus verses the traditions and expectations of the church (institution).
There is so much to process and think about, and I know that the challenges we will face this month would be easy to turn our backs on if our hearts are not continually hungry for God. But we are hungry, and obedience seems more and more like the only option anymore, no matter the cost. My life cannot be the same as it was – it is not, and will not be. I pray each day that we will encounter God more fully and reveal him more truly, as we keep pressing into Him, seeking His face, and being filled with His Spirit.
