I really think I could do this kind of ministry here more long term. I had fun chatting with the girls. They are fun and friendly, and as the spirit of God went with us, we walked in peace through the darkness surrounding us. I was intimidated to go to a bar to get to know ‘prostitutes’, but the truth is, they are people no different from others – broken, bound and lost, in need of Jesus. The things I was concerned would bother me – their clothing (in some cases, the lack thereof), the lady boys, dirty men, and other filth of that world, really didn’t hinder me at all. I could only see people, lonely, desperate, in need of love – women and men both.
My emotions were not what I expected them to be and to be honest, I wrestled with that. I wasn’t angry with the men, as some people become, or disgusted with the girls, tears of sadness never fell and I was never sick to my stomach with grief – all things I thought I ‘should’ feel in the situation. I felt perhaps this meant my heart is hard and calloused toward this, but I don’t feel that is it. I know that God will continue to give me his heart for all involved, and that will look different as I draw closer to Him, but for now, I have come to accept that my response, though different than others on my team is no less Godly, and that I can’t compare myself to them.
(Check out Amy’s, Leah’s and Sarah’s blogs for some great blogs on this issue.)
All the above mentioned emotions and responses I do believe are real, just not how I responded. I see the bigger picture, and my only overwhelming emotion is sadness for the whole situation of our world, as it is exposed here. The bigger picture is that all these people here are in the same place – whether Thai or tourist, man or woman, adult or child – in need of Jesus. Our job now is to simply love them with the love of Jesus, sincerely caring for them. Their behavior and actions are not our focus, only loving them. Behavioral change follows relationship.
I guess to me, it’s hard to realize that the job is so massive, and I need to be okay if I only invest in one person, when there millions who are in bondage. And man, it’s not just the prostititues who are in bondage. It’s all who are not in relationship with Jesus. We don’t like comparing our friends who don’t know Jesus, but are good people, to these girls, but they are no different when it come to sin. And I was no different before the mercy of God rescued me. I have no room to judge others, but only to love with compassion, as Jesus did. He showed love and forgiveness to the prostititues, and challenged them to sin no more, but the challenge came from the fact that they knew he loved and cared for them deeply. Then, he says that the one love is forgiven much loves much. They get to love much! I rejoice in that!
As these girls see in us a love deeper than ourselves, deeper than the best they have experienced, they will see Jesus in us, and soon experience his forgiveness and mercy, and the grace to follow Him. It’s begun already, with Mark and Sharon over several months, and with us in only 2 visits to the bars. I look forward to each Tuesday and Friday night that we head out together and each night in between we are able to get out.
