It’s kind of ironic to me that I’ve been planning to write this blog for a while and now that I’m posting it it happens to be right before Valentine’s Day. I have never been one to really celebrate Valentine’s Day except maybe when I was in elementary school and we all had to make boxes to get valentines in and we passed out little cards to everyone else in the class. Now don’t get me wrong… I’m not the type of girl that hates the day or anything, but I’ve never really recognized it as different from any other day. However, going to a Christian college, I dreaded going to chapel through the month of February because every single talk during that month every year was about love. I was the one sitting there with my arms crossed and rolling my eyes thinking, “Great, here we go again. Why do they always have to talk about this just because Valentine’s Day is this month?” Thinking about that and how I am now finding myself being the one bringing it up, it is funny to me.
And looking back, it makes me laugh to think that love has been the topic of my messages throughout our travels from Ireland to Malawi and back home again to the youth group at my church. But I get it now. I get why everyone always talked about love this time of year. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love and so why not use the day of celebration as a way to bring up the greatest love of all? Or the greatest lover?
If you followed me on my race, you maybe noticed that love tended to be a theme for me. At the beginning of my journey, I was beginning to understand more and more how much God truly loves me (read blog). And once I had that understanding, I wanted others to know it too. Hence, my preaching about it (watch video). Then further along my journey, I began to learn to love people the way that God loves us (read blog). But there is a piece missing. A piece of my journey that I have not shared with you….
I fell in love….
Yep, I did! I fell in love with my Maker, my Creator, my Savior…and my Lover. I have been a Christian for a very long time and I have always known God as the first three and maybe even described as my Father or my Friend… but never my Lover.
In my speaking to the youth group this summer, God spoke to me too. I shared with the youth group that I for a long time knew that God loved me… in my head… but not with my heart. As I’ve let go of so many things over the course of the past year and a half, it has allowed me to open my heart up more and more. The more I let go of, the more room I make for God to come in. I’ve had to let go of fear, pride, and shame to name a few. Once I was able to do that, I could accept and embrace the love He has been offering all along. And I’ve come to know God’s love in a new way. A deeper and more intimate way. It is exciting and exhilarating. That is the love that is worth talking about.
The kind of love that one will do anything for the other even if it seems crazy. That is the love that sent Him to the cross. He died for me. and for you.
It is that kind of love that will lead me to do things that otherwise I would have said “no way”, “yeah right”, or plain out “no”. I can be stubborn and stuck in my ways but when He asks, I can’t help myself but to say “okay”. Because it is that kind of love that allows me to TRUST Him.
It is that kind of love that compels you to go deeper. To be more intimate. To want to get to know Him and to spend time with Him. To pray. To read the Bible. For so long, I have done it out of obligation because that is what “good” Christians are supposed to do. And if I didn’t do it, I felt guilty. But now, there is desire. There is a longing.
It is the kind of love that people notice. When someone is “in love”, you can tell by their expressions, their actions, and the way they light up when they spend time with each other or when talking about the one they love.
It was while I was in the Philippines that God began to show me that desiring intimacy and loving Him is the most important thing. (Ironically, it was where I celebrated Valentine’s Day with 30 others from my squad.) And as I began to seek intimacy with Him, I found it.
And so, I want to share a story with you. It is a story of one of my favorite days in the Philippines and quite possibly the race. This is not the first time or the last but it was one moment along my journey of discovering my heart that I fell deeper in love with Him.
It was my day off from ministry. Myself and about 8 others were planning to venture to the waterfalls. It was a rainy day but we decided to go none the less because we were just planning to get wet anyway. We took a short ride up the road from our ministry site where we were dropped off and met up with two tour guides. The tour guides led us into the jungle to hike the mountains to several different spots and in each location another spectacular waterfall.
The hike was wet and muddy. Some slipped, fell, and got covered with mud. But it was well worth the hike.
We arrived at the first waterfall and we were given some time to get in the water. We stripped down to our bathing suits and stepped into the water. Climbing over rocks and fallen trees we made our way closer to the waterfall. The closer we got the harder to walk from the power of the water. It became a struggle to go any further, but I managed to make it somewhat under the falls. I found some rocks to sit on and wedge myself between so the rush of the water wouldn’t push me further away.
I sat on that rock with the waterfall pouring over me. As I sat there, I felt God’s presence so strongly pouring over me. Everything else faded away. I couldn’t tell you what anyone else was doing. I had entered my own world and anything out of that did not exist. Nothing else mattered. To be so aware of Him. To feel the power of the waterfall hitting me. At times stronger than others where I felt it sting. I sat there squealing and laughing as I was pelted by the waterfall. Then to look out and see green all around… a canopy of trees above me and sitting in sparkling blue water. I was amazed by his power and beauty surrounding me. I sat there praying and praising Him. Thanking Him. In awe of Him. I fell in love once again. A God that created something so magnificent loves me. And allowed me to be a part of something special. I didn’t want to leave my spot on that rock but we had other waterfalls to go see… and each one was incredible in its own way.
After returning to our ministry site that day, one of my teammates commented that the smile never left my face while we were there. I’m sure my eyes were sparkling, as well. Because, well, I… was in love!
And as I crawled into bed that night, I looked over at the wall… and on it was a chalk drawing of a waterfall. Beside it, it said “Be overwhelmed by His love.” It was drawn for me earlier in the month by my squad-mate Shawndell. It was then I realized the power of that day for I in fact had been overwhelmed by His love and that was His plan all along….
It took me traveling the world to discover that there is so much more to God. SO much. I’ve grown up in church and for 20 years, I missed it. I didn’t understand….
Life is about a relationship with God. A relationship that is real and intimate and goes deeper. Intimacy with Him is what I have been pursuing. I don’t know that I will ever fully understand the depths of His love but that is what I am after.
And that is my desire for others… for YOU.
“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 3:16-19
