Not done yet…

I haven’t experienced much culture shock as we are used to changing countries and cultures. There have been a few things like thinking I should know the people I was passing on the street because they are white (but I don’t) or standing in front of my closet full of clothes trying to decide what to wear… pulling things out and trying them on and throwing them on the bed (I’m not usually that girl) and then deciding to pull something out of my bag that I’ve been wearing the past 11 months and put that on. I really thought about wearing it but had to make myself find something new to wear. I finally found an outfit to wear…and ended up wearing it the following two days! Otherwise, I feel like I have adapted pretty well but I have noticed that before I left there were some things I never thought about… it was life… but now I’m thankful for them. For example, I have my OWN bed that I never realized just how comfortable it was until sleeping on the hard beds in Asia or how nice it is to step out of the shower onto a dry floor with a nice mat instead of showering and not being able to dry off because the whole bathroom is wet. It’s the small things that I’ve learned to appreciate. Then there are the other things, of course, but not sure if it is good or bad… the accessibility of food… I can eat whatever I want whenever I want (and I do). I find myself to be hungry a lot and at odd times – maybe what they say in Africa and Asia is true that without the rice or sima it isn’t a meal! 😛

 

I’ve been asked about my sleeping schedule if I have adjusted to the time zone and if it is back to normal. My question though is what is normal?? I’m not sure that I know any more. I’ve been “home” a few weeks now and some people have been asking how home is. I have a hard time with this question because I have found that each month we get to a new location and we get settled in. I unpack my few belongings and the place we are becomes my home… no matter how small or cramped it may be. That is/was home. I say that I am “home” now but what does that mean? I feel no more at home in my old room at my parents’ house, with boxes still to unpack from when I moved everything in before I left for my trip, than I did in every other place that we went. It is great to have my own space and a comfortable bed. I love being with my family but it feels like I’m just in another place. In reality, I am… the only difference is now I am on my own. I don’t have my teammates around and I don’t have any set ministries but God is still moving. On Sunday, the pastor was talking about how we need to live in intimate connection with God and then he asked us a question… “Where do you live?” He then went on talking about how God needs to be our HOME. I believe that when we live in God it doesn’t matter where we are… we are home. And so, for the time being I am back.

 

The other question I know many of you want to know and the question that I’m asked a lot is… SO NOW WHAT? The short answer: I DON’T know! It’s a great question and I’d love to know the answer myself but the reality is that I don’t. What I do know is that for now I am “home” and I am spending my time with family and friends. I am going through pictures and processing my experiences trying to figure out what it all means for me now. I am sharing my stories. I am waiting on God before I make any moves. He is starting to reveal little pieces of the puzzle to me… I am trying to sort things out and put it together.

 

As I was going through my journals to figure out some names of places we crusaded in Malawi, I read about when one of the guys we evangelized with told me he had a message for me about my ministry. He told me that he’d had a dream/vision of me climbing a mountain like we had the day we went to pray. I had reached a place on the mountain but I wasn’t at the top yet. He told me I need to keep climbing until I reach the top. He then told me to read Philippians 3:12-14 so I did. At that time, I wasn’t sure what to think about his message or what I had read. I didn’t know what it meant for me exactly. Reading this in my journal a few weeks ago, I decided I should read the passage again. I grabbed my bible and flipped it open to Philippians. I had to laugh because as I flipped my Bible open, it was marked with a napkin. On my flight home from LA, I was kind of anxious and not sure what to expect. I started reading many different things and Philippians happened to be one of the passages I stayed in. I had read a lot of Philippians and that passage was one of the things I had underlined that night! 

 

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”

 

I had forgotten about it until I went back to see what it said because of something in one of my journals. I do believe that this is a message from God. The WR may be over but my journey has just begun…. I don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. I don’t have things figured out but I am going to keep on following God and see where he leads.