"There is this thing called a deadline.
It didn't make Alison feel too fine.
She decided to stress and complain,
Not calling on Jesus name,
Until she realized the money wasn't mine." (well, hers. close enough.)
Sometimes I worry no one's going to read my blog if I write goofy things. But, please don't stop reading! Whether my "poem" made you chuckle a little, or made you shake your head.. I wanted to share some of my personal on-the-spot skills. All the other rhymes I could think of involved "falling on my face, preparing to do the World Race." Ahem, moving on.
Seriously, the first part of my support is due in my account in only a few short days. I currently don't have that much actually in my account but, I do know of more support that is coming/processing. This whole process has been super humbling. Fundraising is not easy or comfortable. Especially when you view money as something you own or deserve. (Guilty!) Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the total amount and the long to-do list I have that I fail to focus on the small everyday things/conversations/emails/plans I can and need to be doing. I'm trying to view the big picture/God's picture and reconcile that with the reality of my part. I do know and believe that God will and is providing for me and for this trip! I think I'm just worried I'll mess something up or make a wrong decision and miss an opportunity. When I get anxious the only things that seriously help are talking to God, studying and repeating scripture, throwing myself into worship music, and sharing with supportive Christians. I have to get out of my own way and "let go and let God" on a daily basis.
If you had asked me a year ago whether money was a "problem" in my life I would have said no, not like some struggles i have in life and not like it is for many other people. I've grown up in church hearing that the love of money is the root of evil, our money is not ours to begin with — it's from God, and that He'll provide all of our needs. My family frequently shows generosity. I didn't choose my college or degree based on finances. I've never taken a job dependent on the salary. I don't trust myself with a credit card. I don't insist on having the nicest, newest electronics or name-brand clothing. and still…
I've been frustrated at my own financial situation for a little over a year now. I loathe my student loans… wish I'd cared a little more about really understanding them and how they affect life before I agreed to them. I've realized how I spend the money I have is definitely an issue of the heart, of control, and security, and I've been seeking to please myself because I shouldn't have to sacrifice on things because I deserve them. I work hard. I give to my church. I'm responsible-ish.
I recently read the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker. She hilariously shares about her (and her family's) seven months of fasting in different forms to simplify their lives and focus on Christ. She prays in the intro, "Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom." That's what I should be praying. The concepts and the lessons she learns are genuinly inspiring. Even before reading it I was beginning to realize how there is plenty of excess in my own life. Being in Africa just for a short time rocked my little perspective on "needs." I'm not holding back any longer… I'm giving it up. I'm doing the World Race and I will be living simply.
My whole point is that whenever I've prayed about the financial aspect of this trip it goes something like this.."God, show me what to do! Is this really going to work out?" …
"You're going to trust me with every aspect of this except the money? You are letting go of the control of the locations you'll be at? The people you'll be around? The situations and ministry you'll find yourself in? The food you'll be eating? The communication you'll have with your family and loves ones at home? Your health? Your emotions? Your future after the race? But, you're not willing to sacrifice financially to make this happen? You're not willing to trust me to provide for you before, during, and after the trip? Have you ever really struggled and been in need financially before? You say you're willing to make changes… then do it. Let go of your car. Let go of your savings account. Let go of your multiple-dinners-out-at-restaurants-every-week. Wear the clothes in your closet. Show me you mean this and trust me. Be bold about telling people what your needs are and why you're being obedient to me by doing the WR. Let me work in other people's hearts and finances without you feeling like you need to guilt them into giving (or, call them out on their spending habits…) Let go and let me control this!"
Matthew 6 has been a recurring, refocusing passage for me. I encourage you to pray your way through it. I think it's amazing how Jesus teaches about giving to the needy and your motivation for doing it, prayer, fasting, money and worry all in a row. I've read verse 21 over and over. It says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." The commentary in the life application study Bible says, "Jesus calls for a decision that allows us to live contentedly with whatever we have because we have chosen eternal values over earthly, temporary treasures."
I've already seen how the Lord's had His hand on this financially. I strive to be a good steward with the responsibility entrusted to me. Please pray for me and consider how God can use you.
"Until God asks for everything and we answer, 'It's yours,' we don't yet have ears to hear or eyes to see. We're still deaf to the truth, blind to freedom, decieved by the treasures of the world, imagining them to be the key when they are actually holding the lock." -Hatmaker
