Sometimes you have a vision in your head of what you want ministry to look like that day. And then God gives you not only the opposite, but the worst case scenario opposite. I had been praying all day that the village we went to would welcome us as family. Sometimes it feels like we’re objects rather than people, and it had just been weighing on me so much.
So I go in to this village loaded with optimism. I knew that the Lord was going to show up in big ways. And then we get out of the car. And there are just swarms of people. The profession of the village was to catch rats in the rice fields so that they didn’t destroy the crops. And in the nicest way possible, it seemed like these people were rats. They came out of every crevice of this village, swarming us. I felt suffocated. I think that there were close to 100 children, staring at us, asking us our names, sticking out their hands to shake. And they followed us. They followed us into tight spaces. They crowded us. They interrupted while we were praying.
It was the exact opposite of what I had wanted to happen. I was mad at God. I was overwhelmed. I cried. Every time a child stuck their hand out to me, saying “Sister, Sister!” I wanted to punch them, just so they would leave me alone.
But I didn’t punch them. I prayed. I prayed to God, asking for His strength and his heart for these people. And I died to self. Every time I reached out to return the handshake, I was honestly dying to myself. Because I wanted to be anywhere but there. If I had the opportunity to leave, I would have taken it in a second. But I had to put aside my wants, my desires, my comfort, for these children. While I was dying inside, they were seeing Jesus, and I was becoming more like Jesus.
God knew that had He given me a nice, easy day like the one I wanted, it would have been great, but I could have done it by myself. Had He done that, I wouldn’t have seen my need for Him. I would not have experienced what it means to “Die to self so that Christ may live”.
I know that this seems so trivial. A lot of you are probably like “It’s the World Race. You have to love children. This girl is crazy”. And to you I say yes. You are right. It is the World Race. You should love children. And I am crazy. But I have my limits. I reached a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I reached the end of myself, and there I found Jesus.
