As we’ve met and surpassed the halfway point of the Race, a few realizations have set in. There are still five months left. FIVE MONTHS. That’s a whole semester of school. That’s over half a baby. That’s 3 continents, 5 countries, and 5 more goodbyes. A few major holidays, and a birthday.
That’s 6 months since I’ve seen family. 6 months since I’ve seen friends. 6 months of culture shock, weird outfits, and no personal space. With 5 more to go. It’s 6 months of feeling forgotten, feeling like life is moving on without me, but also 6 months of adventure and feeling more alive than ever before.
The Race has been filled with weird balances of things. Balancing time and ministry, time alone with time of investing, time using internet with time of being present. And it’s all sort of hitting me right now. It’s probably because it’s the holiday season, and also halfway, and also lots of changes with people on the Race, but my life just feels so inconsistent and scattered. I wish I could be at home celebrating Christmas with family. I long for the predictability and normality of life in America. I long for the independence of being able to get in a car and drive by myself, or choosing what I do with my life without consulting at least 3 other people. And I long to be with the people that have known me and loved me for longer than 6 months.
It’s such a weird thing on the Race, because you want to be present where you are, but you also don’t want to be forgotten at home. I love receiving email updates about regular things that are happening in people’s lives. It’s seriously the best. And I know that I often times (usually) don’t respond, but it just means so much to know that people cared enough to update me. And when it takes a long time to respond, it could be that there’s bad internet, or that it’s hard to think of what to say, because it hurts that I’m not there with you.
The World Race is great, and there really is nowhere else I’d rather be right now as a whole, but being on this adventure doesn’t take away the desire to be home with you all. It’s daunting from this perspective to think about going home, because everything is going to be different. People and places and things. I wish that I could have frozen you all in time, so that I could return to the known. But that’s not the case. More and more realize how all of life is one big unknown, and you just have to learn to adapt to it.
But the World Race is where I am, and I have made such great friends, and done crazy things, and seen the Lord show up in big ways. And I am changing just as you are changing. And I have to realize that it’s okay to be homesick, but to not let it get in the way of what the Lord is doing in the here and now. And after the Race is over, I’m sure that I’ll look back and wish I was here again rather than in monotonous America.
