I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my step secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God
Psalm 40:1-3
I’m fairly certain that the Lord is trying to teach me a new song, and he’s using freaking ants to do it. If you wanted to know what I’m doing right now, I’m lying down inside of my tent, which is inside of my room, which is inside of my apartment, as I try to fall asleep. Because there are so many freaking bugs here.
I consider myself to be pretty outdoorsy. Put me out in nature. That’s totally cool. But when nature decides to come inside to my bed, that’s where I reach a limit. I have more ant bites, more mosquito bites, more other creature bites, than I’ve ever experienced before.
Added on top of that, I found mouse poop right by the head of our mattress. Which is on the floor. Which means that mice can join me and Kelsie and the ants and the beetles in bed. Great! Just what I’ve always wanted.
In case you can’t tell, I’m kind of on the edge of a breakdown. More than almost anything else, I want to be home in my bed with freshly laundered sheets, the only other living thing in the room being George the Bearded Dragon (who, despite the name, happens to be a girl. Don’t ask).
But I’m not. I’m in a tent in Cambodia, attempting to escape from insects that seem so especially drawn to me. And I’m having to wrestle with that, and choose to find the beauty in it. I have to cry out to the Lord, and learn a new song.
In a very tangible way, I’m being broken of my comforts. I’m being taught a new song, but I keep getting it confused with the old one. Mixing up the words, forgetting which tune is which.
But the Lord is a patient teacher. Each time I get it mixed up, He just has me start over from the beginning of the new song, helping me to get a little bit further each time. Helping it to become ingrained, until it’s just that song on repeat, that theme song, the soundtrack of my life.
But it’s not yet. I haven’t learned it yet. I’m still in my tent, cursing the ants and the beetles and the little green flying bugs and the fleas and the mice. I cry out to the Lord, time and time again, and thank him for the kids here, for the joy that they bring. And thank him for my team that challenges me and pushes me. And ask, if it be His will, that he kill all of the freaking ants in the world.
So here’s to learning a new song, and to the beautiful song it will be, and until then, sleeping in tents indoors.
