Let me give you a glimpse into my life:
God used my month in Thailand to transition my thoughts and my mind to what my true identity in Him is verses my old mindset of choosing right and wrong/good and bad/having “a need to measure up.” He was teaching me to see myself through the eyes of Christ. Refer to my blog on 9-13 for more details.
On the World Race we have the racers, team leaders, and squad leaders. We have 52 racers (8 of which are team leaders). For the first 3 months our squad leaders are two people who have been on the race before. They are there to guide us, love us, and pour into us. They move around from team to team throughout the months. After month 3, they raise up new squad leaders typically chosen from the 8 team leaders. Thus they need new team leaders and teams tend to shift around a good bit.
A lot of my testimony is about seeking to be “perfect” and to be “the best” (for those of you still trying this let me save years of your life – it’s not possible). For the first 3 months of the race, I was a team leader; therefore, my goal became becoming a squad leader. Because that would mean I was one of the best team leaders, right? No, God doesn’t work that way. He has different seasons of life for different people.
About 2 weeks ago I got an email that basically told me the squad leaders have been chosen and already know who they are. Pride kill. God started speaking to my heart reassuring me that it didn’t mean I was a bad team leader. He took it a little further. He said to me, “Even if you weren’t a team leader any more, it still wouldn’t mean that you were a bad team leader.” As a process of molding my thoughts to be more like those of Christ, He continuously spoke this to my heart. As I became nervous about “team changes” God said, “You can have the team you want to have or you can have the team that will grow you closer to me the most. Which do you want?” I had to spend a lot of time in prayer over this surrendering my plans to the Lord. God – let Your will be done, not mine. I want whatever situation is going to bring me more intimacy with the Lord and whatever situation will be used to show more for His glory.
A few days ago, my team packed up and left Bangkok for Phuket to meet up with all the teams before heading to Malaysia. My team was the first to arrive (squad leaders were already there). One of the squad leaders asked if she could talk to me. So we sat down and she informed me that I was no longer going to be a team leader. I thought my pride would be even more shattered… however, I had 100% peace and relief!
God is continuing to blow my mind as He transitions my thoughts. I don’t have to look to others to have confidence in my faith. And why would I when I can look directly at the Father? My identity is not in how others see me as a Christian.
My identity is in Christ
and His love for me!
So without further ado, meet Team Children of Light: Layne, Jared, Me, Meghan, Michael, Toni, Jeremy
Though the past few months of my race have been amazing and I learned so much, I was getting to a place that was difficult for me to grow deeper in the way I have been craving for over a year now. This change has been an answer to my prayers (even if I didn’t how) and now I feel that I am in the exact place I have been praying for. This group of brothers and sisters are going to be spurring me on to be the woman of Christ and daughter of God I already know I am.
