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Have you ever felt the weight of God’s love? 

I have.

 

Yesterday was the day, the day for vulnerability like I have never experienced…I’m talking tears rolling and snot flying. I recieved a text from my sister the night before saying that my Mom was experiencing bad headaches and memory loss. As I was laying on the ground at the YMCA (I slept there for the week with W&X squad for Project Searchlight) I felt helpless.  I slowly faded to sleep, faded to escape. The next morning (yesterday) I woke up full of questions and emotions but I pushed them down like I always do. As we began to worship with W&X squad, the spirit began to stir in me. The lion within me was coming to life and it was ready to ROAR! I began to pray and prophecy over people. My spirit was coming alive; the warrior was coming out. Then it hit me, “Go up to the mic and have everyone pray over your Mom.” Uh oh. I fought it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold in my emotions. I was terrified of loosing control. “Go up to the mic. Do you care more about your Mom or looking tough?” Before I knew it, I was at the mic. How did I get this mic in my hand? 

Flash

Everyone surrounded me. Someone was holding my left hand. Another person was holding my right hand and several hands were on my back. And someone was playing with my hair. People started taking turns praying over my Mom, over me. Singing broke out: “How He loves her.  Ohhhhh. How He loves her. Ohhhhh.” Every voice rising to the heavens. I could feel angels in the room.  I felt it crashing down upon me like a wave. The weight of God’s love. I lost it. Tears flowing and emotions everywhere but I knew that I needed to feel it, all of it. The joy, the happiness, but most importantly the sadness. For so long I avoided it. I felt it and I sat in it. I breathed it in and out and then it was gone. It was gone like a leaf taken away by the wind. An overwhelming feeling of peace came over me, around me, and upon me. I felt it in my mind and my heart (John 14:27) and then I heard: “I’m bigger than your emotions, your fears, and your circumstances. I’m bigger and I want you to crawl up in my lap and just soak in my love. Feel everything you need to feel and then give it all to me.” 

 

A few hours later I recieved a call from my sister that my Mom’s brain was hemophraging which means it was bleeding. “By the blood of the lamb, He has overcome the grave.” Breath in and out. Keep breathing. Keep going. My community came around me. People started praying over me and before I knew it my flight home was arranged and paid for. Oh my God, the weight of your love through these people is overwhelming. It was pouring outside so I ran out in the ran…dancing, singing, spinning, and praying over my Mom. You can’t take my joy Satan! And you sure as hell can’t have my Mom! 

Swishhhhhh! Rush! “Healing power is coming down!” 

Flash

I’m swimming in the lake at night with some amazing people before I leave for Texas. As I float on my back I look up in the sky at those raging balls of fire and I know that He placed each one there for me, at that exact moment.

And now I am sitting on the plane between a lady eating a banana and a sleeping pilot and I wonder if they can feel the weight of God’s love flowing out of me?

*I found out that they prayed healing over my Mom last night at World Race training camp. It was the biggest training camp yet with 4 squads and over 300 people. Hallelujah!

*The lady eating the banana next to me on the plane is named Terri and she loves Jesus…a lot.

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