In the month of August, I enjoyed the beautiful land of Cambodia, its people and some of the greatest ministry time in teaching English. I realized I love being in a classroom and I love working with kids. BUT there was a giant disconnect between me and my team.
After one of the most vulnerable and raw conversations with my team, it has been found that I have a ginormous (gigantic & enormous combined) wall set up to keep me safe.
It is almost not penetrable and hard to let people enter long enough to see what's behind the door. There are a few people that have been given a key to its triple locked gate surrounded by a moat with alligators inside the water. They are the only ones that can get in and it was only after several years of testing and having to prove that they were worthy suitors for my friendship. (I am grateful to those for sticking around)
I began to meditate and really press in to BIG PAPA and He began to press harder on the issue at hand.
BIG PAPA keeps showing me that when He said that I needed to guard my heart, He did not mean to barricade it and not let anyone in. But rather, the word "guard" is a continual process of looking after and tending to it.
He reminded me of the museum guards that tend after the priceless pieces of art that I so love to observe. The guards are there to facilitate the encounter with the majestic and transcendent pieces. They are docents to promote the viewing of the art and they are there to correct any patrons that are misusing or violating the set boundaries set to keep the art safe from pollutants. They do not keep the patrons from seeing, appreciating, and being moved by the art, but rather they make sure that the conditions set to partake of the art are just right.
HE expects the same from me. He does not want me to hide my heart and build walls and locks and barricades, but rather He wants me to learn how to be a docent of it. He wants people to view and appreciate my heart because He gave it to me and He plans to use it to move mountains in the lives of people all over the world.
So now where do I begin with the demolition process? How do I begin to break down the walls that I have set up as a false security? I realized that I don't have the answer yet, but BIG PAPA did show me that He does and He CAN!
His grace is sufficient for this process and that in His strength the walls are coming down. He wants this freedom for me so that I may be able to partake of the greater blessing, HIM in His people.
** Some words have been changed due to the laws of this country. Please be mindful of that when you respond.**
