I’m sure we have all heard the saying, “Only God can judge me.” And I’m sure we’ve all judged plenty of people before, because we’re human and most humans sin every once in a while. I’m not going to sit here and lie to all of you and say I’m perfect, because I am not. I have sinned, and my goodness I’ve judged people before, but I don’t judge anyone as much as I judge myself.
I often times have found myself comparing my knowledge, looks, personality, even shoe size to other people. I know it’s wrong, I know I’m not doing the right thing, and I know it’s only hurting myself and God, but I continue to be judgmental.
I have to continuously remind myself that God created me perfectly. God created me exactly the way he wanted to. God created me special from my eye color, to the shape of my nose, even to the number of hairs on my head.
“Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7
God values me enough to have put every single hair on my head there for a reason, but why am I in this constant battle with myself over what my hair looks like? I am trying to play God, and I shouldn’t be. Our Lord is the highest, he is the only one who has the right to judge us.
I shouldn’t be looking in the mirror and thinking why don’t I look like her? I should be thinking wow I love looking like me! Anyone close to me knows, I love getting dolled up and doing my makeup and hair all pretty, but most people don’t know it stems from being so insecure about my looks. Relying on my liquid eyeliner, and curling wand is not as fun as it seems. I mean I would love sleeping in an extra half an hour in the morning before school.
I’ve also always been in a battle with myself about how smart I am, or I guess how not smart I think I am. It’s hard for me to admit, but school is not easy for me. In order to get an A+ on a test I have to study, sometimes for hours on end it feels like. School has always been one of my biggest triggers of insecurity, but it shouldn’t be, because I know as long as I am trying and being the best I can be that’s all that is asked of me and the rest is not in my hands. I know that God will provide the grade I deserve to get.
School is a tricky subject especially seeing all my friends preparing to go to amazing University’s next year, do I feel a little left out? Yes, but that feeling fades so quickly because I remember that I am about to do something incredible. God is calling me to take such an amazing leap of faith, and college is not in his plan for me next year. And honestly I could not be more excited about his plans for me.
As I begin preparing for the race I know I can’t bring all my different makeup and hair tools, and a month ago that kind of terrified me, but since then I made it a goal to not wear as much makeup every week, or even blow dry and curl/straighten my hair. I’m beginning to fall in love with my natural beauty. I’m beginning to learn that it doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside as long as I feel beautiful on the inside. Everyday I become more excited about the plans my friends have, but I fall more in love with God’s plan for me. The World Race is my calling, the World Race is going to help me grow into exactly who God wants me to grow into.
I am about to do beautiful things, in 5 beautiful countries, and I know I will continue to fall more in love with myself and life around me. God will provide me the confidence I am looking for, but I ask that you all pray that I will find my self worth during the 9 months I am away. I know I am worth it, and I realize that more and more everyday, but I can’t do it without all of you.
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
___________________________________________________________________
Hey everyone!! Thank you all so much for your support thus far! I appreciate is more than you know. I do ask that you please donate! I am unable to go on this amazing journey without financial support. Thank you and God Bless!
-Alina
