This in between time has been ROUGH to say the least. Post training camp and pre launch is ROUGH. This transition season is ROUGH. My life lately has been full of tears, stress, goodbyes, and lasts. But life has been so good; filled with laughs, friends, family, and color!! It has been overwhelming, to say the least. I am slowly learning and leaning on the Father to get through each day 🙂
As expected, I get frequently asked how I am feeling with leaving so soon. And I don’t know how to answer most of the time… it honestly depends on the day. Some days I cannot wait to leave and some days I’m dreading September 5th.
I have never been one who bottles up their feelings. I have always been a vulnerable person; I am told that I “wear my heart on my sleeve”. I tell everyone everything and I don’t have a problem with being sad. But, I also tend to dwell in every feeling I have – good or bad. So… this has been a learning experience.
Feeling sad is okay. It’s normal and healthy. At training camp, we were told that most racers describe this in-between time as “numb”. Which eventually backfires, because those bottled feelings hit them on the field. For me, I feel everything except numbness.
I feel excited. Tired. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Sad. Joyful. I feel all the feelings. It’s ROUGH. It’s rough to say goodbye to home. It’s rough to say see ya later to all your people. It’s rough to leave the comfort of your bed and home. It’s rough entering into a season of newness. It’s rough transitioning to the unknown. It’s ROUGH.
The Lord has been showing me to be where my feet are. Yes, it’s okay to be sad that you are leaving everything you have ever known for almost a year. No, it’s not okay to dwell in your sadness and let it take over you. I’m trying to process my pain without allowing myself to dwell in my pain. I am letting myself feel every ounce of sadness, while still looking for the joy in the pain. I am holding on to the truth that the Lord is already working in Guatemala and that He has paved this road for me. I am (working on) allowing myself to be at peace. I am at peace because I am living in every moment, looking for a different side of the Lord’s face. I am in the present, while still being expectant.
I know that once I am on the field, this sadness will be outshined by the overflowing joy from serving. I am so ready and not ready to go to Guatemala. I also know that the experiences there will be unlike anything and I know that.
But…
This transition season is hard, yet it has also made me so so thankful. I am so thankful for this overwhelming time of life because it has taught me that the Lord is all I need.
One of my squad leaders, Lexi Ballard, illustrated this transition season in the most perfect way…
“Currently feeling that tension of: I love my city and never want to leave, yet I am so excited to go home and leave for the missions field. Transitions are weird, but necessary. They remind us to stay rooted and grounded to the only thing that is constant- Jesus.”
This time is bittersweet. I’m thankful that tears are temporary and that nine months isn’t forever. I’m thankful that God gifted me with people that are so hard to say goodbye to. I’m thankful that God set out my path before me and that He is walking with me every step of the way. I’m so thankful.
