I am having a rough few days on the race and want to see if I can be brutally honest about it. I have no idea what my friends, family, and supporters perceive this life to be like. Fun because I am traveling the world and doing new things? Scary because I am visiting “dangerous” countries? Easy because I get to “take a year off” work? Beautiful because of all the pretty pictures I share?
Regardless, I want to be real about the struggle I am currently facing. As I mentioned in my last blog (“I See Heaven Invading This Place” read it if you haven’t yet), I thought I would struggle coming into Asia, but I had a perspective shift and actually had a wonderful month in Vietnam. However, teammates and others on our squad were hitting some lows. I recognized this and felt so motivated to pour into them, encourage them to stick it out, and look forward to all the potential the rest of the race holds for us.
We met up with the squad in the beginning of last week for our second debrief. Debriefs are a few days between ministry at the end of months 1, 4, 6, 8, and 11 for the squad and leadership to come together, rest, worship, and refocus. I was leery coming into Cambodia because I had done some research on safety and learned that girls should never be out alone, preferable that they go out in groups, especially after nightfall. However, I didn’t want to let this intimidate me too much so I just maintained a heightened awareness of my surroundings at all times.
Then… We had a session one night and afterwards me and a teammate wanted to go have some quality time before upcoming team changes. We found this cute, open-air restaurant that no one was at. Quiet, peaceful, perfect. Sat down and each ordered a drink. Not even half way into our beverages I notice a guy walk back and forth a few times outside staring at us. He walked by again and again so I told my friend to watch her purse and put it on the other side of us. He paced by a few more times then came in and asked my friend for change. In a matter of seconds he jumps across the table and grabs my phone from sitting on the table RIGHT in front of me, and runs out. We chased him but he was already a block away, jumped on a moto and took off.
Devastated this happened to me, shocked it all happened so quickly, angry with the thief, worried about my security or identity, and frustrated with myself for not being MORE aware, are just a few emotions I began to immediately process. I did what I could to protect my information, block accounts, contact my Mom, etc. Sleeping that night was not easy, but I managed. With each passing hour through the next day, it seemed like less of a big deal. I lost a “thing” and we were not harmed physically. For that I am very thankful. Most nights since then have been a struggled to feel comfortable, safe, and restrict my thoughts from replaying that moment again and again. My view of the men here is tainted; as we walk around town I feel like a guard is up, always looking for the man who took my phone or afraid I’ll be robbed of something else so soon. There are things I remember daily that I am missing without my phone: my camera to take pictures, the ability to jump on wifi and connect with friends or family, simple things like maps or converter apps to get around during the day, my music player, and so on…
In addition to that incident, I now have a new team and a new ministry. We moved from Vietnam to debrief Monday and from debrief to our Cambodian ministry Saturday. Our host has been working hard to clean a new house for us to stay in but it wasn’t quite ready. We slept on a roof in our hammocks or tents for two nights while waiting. It was actually pretty cool up there. Some of my teammates who slept in hammocks got bitten by bugs so our host insisted we move… but the house still wasn’t ready. Now we are in a hotel for 2 more nights as he waits for the government to turn on electric and water in the house. Also, this weekend we are doing village ministry which means we have to pack a bag for the weekend and “move” there. Plus 2 more upcoming moves. Whew… Some of you might be thinking, “Alicia, you signed up for this!” Yeah, yeah, I know. I am good with change, occasionally. I moved yearly in college and it was cool. I anticipated monthly moves here. But not having a consistent place to lay my head or make “home” these last weeks has added to my struggles.
I feel like everyday has presented a new detail, something changing, something new to accept or adapt to. Going back to another blog I know it’s my choice to make… whether I remain positive and roll with it, or let these emotions take over and bring me down. That is why I am choosing to be so open and vulnerable right now because I believe in the power of prayer and boyyyy do I need y’alls prayers right now!!
I am seriously SO excited for this team and know we have great potential to pour into each other. I do not want these daily struggles to get in the way of that. As soon as I post this, I am diving into hearing what God says about it all. I know positive things will come.
“This too shall pass.” or
“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
