Goodbyes are the hardest. I feel like I have been saying them for too long now. But there are still more to come, many more. It started a few weeks before leaving Tampa, like at my last yoga class saying bye to my instructor who has been so wonderful over the years. Then a few friends or church family goodbyes, for those who couldn’t make it to grab froyo or wouldn’t be at the last church service I was. Attending my last church service at Radiant Church in Tampa (until next year) was so surreal. The morning passed quickly and it was one conversation after another that I barely had a moment to stop and soak it all in. I feel like I still haven’t had a moment to soak it all in. And since then I’ve said goodbyes to roommates, friends, “forever” friends, those I stayed with on my travels up north, and more.
I actually tried really hard not to say “Goodbye” to most people. I was saying farewells to a friends Dad and he said, “We’ll see you when you get back.” It’s like a light bulb went off in my head. I told him I was taking that line and vowed to tell everyone else, “I’ll see you when I get back,” or, “See you again!” Even though some people still say goodbye afterwards!
But there’s been a really big goodbye, not one I could say “See you again.” And that would be my Grandpa who passed away just 3 days after I returned home to Ohio. We’ve been well aware of his health challenges over the years but always hoped the next procedure would be the ONE that helped him gain strength and bounce back to his old self: gardening, fishing, golfing, playing cards for hours with the family… A few days before I was coming home, he was admitted to the hospital and chose to discontinue medical treatments which gave him a few days left with us on this earth. I arrived at the hospital Thursday evening and stayed the night with him; we ate pizza at midnight and I did my best to assure him through the night that I was there for him and wanted to make sure he was comfortable. The following days we had many friends and family visits, I helped him eat whatever food he was willing, and made sure I told him again and again that I loved him.
In the hour that he passed away, I was actually not there. I was at my grandmother’s church giving a presentation about the World Race. I was so torn that I couldn’t be there to see him go peacefully; but I believe this was the Lord’s way of reminding me we must look forward. As a family, we will take our time to grieve and mourn. But in two short weeks, I will still be on my way to South Africa. Although we can never say there’s a “perfect” time to lose a loved one, the Lord’s timing in this one has really been easy to accept. I enjoyed last moments with my Grandpa, had the opportunity to talk and tell him I loved him. I get to attend memorial services and help lay him to rest in our family cemetery. I’m here for my Mom and family to take care of errands and tasks throughout the week while they return to work. The blessings are endless.
That’s my conclusion in all this. No matter how hard the goodbyes, we have a Good Father who sees and knows every single one of our needs and desires. A LOT can change when you change your perspective on a situation. I challenge you to try PRAISING God when times seem tough. When you have fears or doubts about the future, look how far you have come and be thankful for that! It’s not always easy, but I have seen the benefit in recent weeks and I hope the same for you too.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness… I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:1-4
