Every person has dreams, career aspirations, goals, and desires: find a spouse, get fit, write a book, make enough money to be “comfortable”… As a follower of Christ I also believe that God gives His people dreams, God-sized dreams that can only be accomplished through faith and trust in Him. These dreams are often hard to grasp, unimaginably difficult to understand how one could ever achieve this dream.
My dream has been with me since I was in junior high. Like a spark that lights a fire, my dream started as whisper and has festered into an actual reality. I used to dream of a day when I would spend an extended period of time overseas and that is all I really knew. I found myself in spanish classes repeatedly throughout my education, another goal that kept growing inside me. So I focused my fantasies in studying abroad in Spain, I figured I could find something in my undergraduate aspirations to learn over there and apply back here.
When I actually began my undergraduate studies that idea began to fade, I could not find the right piece to this puzzle I call my life, every piece I looked at would not fit. So I waited and did everything I was called to do here in my hometown, volunteering, church life, school, work…
The days and weeks passed and I found myself at the end of my undergraduate. Almost a year ago in December of 2012 I was completely finished with my collegiate classes (except for two certain general ed CLEP tests I kept pushing off, HALLELUJAH I passed!). Now the pressure was on to find out what I was actually going to do for the rest of my life.
To sum up a bit, the next few months consisted of a job in retail, ACTUAL graduation, summer camp, church and friends. I did some major digging and self-reflection and I never lost that dream. Fast-forward to this passed summer of 2013, more specifically to August. On a whim, I decide to fill out the application for the World Race. I had found out about it through a friend, who as we speak is on her own race and currently in Nepal. I watched all the videos on the website and sought out my friend, Terin, through Facebook. Since she was actually partaking in this adventure I knew very little about, I wanted to ask her to give me more information and share her personal journey. I knew I could trust her to give an honest opinion.
So I filled out the application, time went by and then as the application sat there I decided to pay the application fee, really on another whim. From there I interviewed and Adventures in Missions went through their whole process that eventually came back round to me via a phone call. This phone call was a little awkward. It came at an awkward time in my day and as the girl at the other end congratulated me on my acceptance into the race, I just kind of sat on my bed and didn’t really say anything. The whole process wasn’t even real to me at the time, so during the phone call and after the only thing going through my mind was, “Hmm…alright, so there’s that.”
However awkward the phone call may have been in the middle of my hectic day, the timing was perfect. It was on Thursday September 26th, the same day as the start of Designed for Life, the women’s conference at my church. In a sense, up to this point I had been acting of my own accord, at least that is how it felt. So I went to the first night of the conference, and through the preaching and worship God completely and extraordinarily game me confirmation that this race was exactly what He wanted me to do. The song “Oceans” by Hillsong…
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.
We sang this song may times that weekend at the conference. It was EXACTLY how I felt, EXACTLY what I needed to release. All at once so many emotions overcame me. I knew this was what I was supposed to do, but i was scared. The fear was all of a sudden so intense, I felt that it was drowning me. But God kept and is keeping my head above the waves. Even now, as I experience disapproval from others, doubts, more fear and anxiety and discomfort, my soul rests in God’s embrace, because I am His and He is mine.
All those years, I knew that I wanted to live somewhere else, and I knew that I loved to travel. God knows my heart, He knew that I really didn’t want to just experience one culture, one place. He can see the completed puzzle of our life even though we can only see the pieces as we pick them up, one by one.
