To be honest, the world race really sucks sometimes. Most days I just want to pack up and go home. I want my American Mexican food, a good hamburger, and all my favorite dipping sauces. I want my own room where I can be by myself. I want to have a guaranteed hot shower and know that I can drink the water without getting sick. I want the reassurance of having good medical care at my fingertips. I want to drive my car and not have to wonder if the taxi driver will be ok with us squeezing 7 people in his car. I want to be a part of my family and spend time with my boyfriend. I want my own ordinary, typical, comfortable life back.
We rush only to wait. We expect to do one thing but end up doing another. We are told to be flexible, but how much more can I bend?
I’m already broken.
Every day I go to God and ask where is his compassion. Why has he brought me here to make me miserable? (I just finished reading Jeremiah and Lamentations, so I may be channeling my inner weeping prophet) I truly believe that God gives us His joy in the things He calls us to do. And I truly believe that God asked me to do the world race. So God, where is this joy?
I was really relating to Baruch in Jeremiah when he said, “The Lord has added sorrow to my pain.” I was trying to seek answers about why I am on the race and why I wasn’t finding joy in what He had called me to do. Was my time here over or did I just misunderstand His calling completely? And then He reminded me of some Christianity 101 stuff that is sometimes really hard.
It’s not the plan that we should find our joy in, it’s God himself. He said two things to me in that moment. The first,”Don’t find joy in the plan, find joy in me.” God is our joy, and if we seek Him first then we will find it. God doesn’t care about “the plan”. He cares about us seeking a relationship with Him before anything else. Then He said, “When you seek joy from me first you will find joy in my plan because you will know that I am good.”
It all goes back to God being number one. If God is number one in your life, then all circumstances, even the worst of the worst, will be full of joy because where God is there is love, hope, peace, and goodness, because God is good and works all things for our good.
But it’s still hard. I still want what I want.
It’s really hard not to let the hard times get to you. It’s hard when you wake up from a nap in Africa and crave Zaxby’s chicken, but there isn’t one a short drive down the road. It’s hard when your teammates talk about the parent trip coming up in a few months when you know you’re parents can’t come. It’s hard when the ministry for the month becomes something you just can’t do anymore, and you know there’s a job at home that gives you joy.
But do I quit? Do I give in to my flesh or do I seek the Lord in my weakness?
God has given each of us purpose. He gives us an opportunity to have a relationship with the Creator of everything. He meets us exactly where we are and gives us the chance to walk with Him in building His kingdom. But how many people throw all of that away for something as stupid as a chicken finger? They give it all up for a temporary desire, a momentary want that will just be replaced with something else once it passes. We chase things that don’t forever satisfy.
Chapter 45 of Jeremiah ends with God telling Baruch, “I will overthrow what I have built and uproot what I have planted. Should you then seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them. For I will bring disaster on all people, but wherever you go I will let you escape with your life.”
When he was in the midst of recording the words the Lord gave to Jeremiah, Baruch was overwhelmed by what God was planning on doing. But God told him that because of his faithfulness and willingness to do this dangerous job that He would spare his life. Baruch was chosen to be part of something so much bigger than himself. He was able to be part of God’s plan. He could have said no. He could have backed out when it got hard and done whatever he wanted to do. But God had something better for him, and He promised him his life.
Just because we are doing what the lord wants us to do doesn’t mean it will be easy. In fact, Jesus pretty much promised that it would be difficult. But he also promised good things in return. We get Him, and with Him comes an eternal promise.
So yes, I could go home and get all those things I want. But what would I gain? Trust in God? Joy from the Lord? No. I would gain more of myself. The goal here is to lose myself. Scripture says that we must deny ourselves, that whoever loses their life for Christ will find it. But denying myself if hard and I find myself often playing the “God or” game. God or home? God or my boyfriend? God or good food? God or my own space? The list goes on while God patiently waits for me to choose.
God doesn’t want to be your second choice, but He will let you choose.
So, what is more important to you?
God and His eternal promise or ________?
