I don’t mean the uncomfortable when you are talking with someone and you both run out of things to say so you’re awkwardly standing around smiling at each other through the pain of the uncomfortable moment. I’m talking life changing, everyday, what the heck am I doing and how am I doing it uncomfortable.
Why in the world would I want to do that? Truth is I don’t. I am the kind of person who will avoid going somewhere to avoid people in order to avoid the awkward death of a conversation. So why am I doing this to myself? I can only answer that with four small words from God, “Because I said so.”
I am a recent college graduate with a degree in Elementary Education. Now, the ideal “next step” in my life would be to get a job, and for 5 months I was excited about that. Don’t get me wrong! I still am, but right now I can’t help but feel in my heart that my next step is to be more excited about God. And that looks like going somewhere to talk to people to have the most important conversation of all.
So, how did it come down to The World Race? Ironically enough, it was through a series of uncomfortable situations. Like I said before, I was once really excited about getting a teaching job. I was spending all my money on children’s books and things for my classroom. I was applying at school after school hoping to get a phone call. I was dreaming about my future students and how we would be the most amazing community. But then one day that stopped.
Uncomfortable moment #1: I remember looking in the mirror and feeling a familiar feeling that the classroom teacher life was not what was next. And then there was that sinking feeling when you start freaking out and thinking “oh no, what am I going to do?!” That is when the Lord gave me the word uncomfortable. I had gotten too comfortable in my everyday life, and I was tired of doing the same thing day after day. There was no growth in my comfortable lifestyle, and that includes no growth with my Savior.
So I began crying out for Him to show me what to do. You know what I got? A big ole’ nothing. No direction. Not even a hint. Silence. Naturally you start to wonder why you’re not hearing from the Lord when all you desperately want is to hear his voice. My bible study group was just starting up a study on discerning the voice of the Lord, and that is where our leader and a sweet mentor of mine told us that if we are not hearing from the Lord it could be because He has already given us direction and we have not been obedient. Sometimes it takes going back and doing what He first told us to do in order to hear the next step, so to speak. That brings me to a few years ago when I was told to fast and I never did it.
Uncomfortable moment #2: You want to talk uncomfortable, let’s talk about fasting. Holy moly. Once you get past the headache, the stomach pain, the nausea, and the irritability it’s not that bad. This was only a one day fast, let me add. I am not a breakfast person, but the waffle I had the next morning was the best waffle I have had in my entire life. You may be wondering if I heard from the Lord during this fast. What is my next step? Well let me tell you. God gave me comfort through it, but he didn’t share anything in this great plan of His. This fast was strictly about obedience and following through with his command.
So now I am left back where I was. Still slightly freaking out about where my life was going and desperately seeking answers from God. I did the whole “I did what you told me to, so where are my answers” thing. I received nothing from God, until one day when I was driving home from work and He reminded of this random time when I was in 4th grade and my mom forgot to pick me up from choir practice after school. The point he was making from this lovely moment was that we are forgetful; we forget things that are important and we make mistakes, but God, our creator and our heavenly father, NEVER forgets about us. He is always there when we need Him, and He is always watching and listening out for us. What a sweet reminder in the midst of feeling like God isn’t listening to you. But this message wasn’t just for me. Oh no. He told me that I was going to get up in front of my church and share this during the children’s sermon. I, of course, pushed back with, “Yeah right. I’ll do that whenever someone asks me to. No way am I volunteering.”
Uncomfortable moment #3: Fast forward to Thursday night at bible study. Our group leader and youth minister at my church comes up to me and asks me if I would be willing to do the children’s sermon. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! God is good. Now, I may be a teacher, but public speaking is not my thing. I also have this problem where I get all choked up and teary eyed whenever I talk about God. But I did it. I got up, threw my mom under the bus (sorry about that, mom), and I shared the message God had put on my heart.
By this time, I was starting to get the sense that my place was not here and it wasn’t here for a long time. I have felt the pull towards missions for a while now and was really interested in the World Race when I first heard about it but didn’t know if this would be something God would want me to do. So I prayed and prayed for God to show me if this was part of His plan. I asked to clearly hear His answer.
I was told to “go” on the same day that I gave the children’s sermon. I was brushing my teeth before church and the Lord said, “Go make disciples.” I said, “Ok, Lord, if you want me to go then give me a message about going.” My pastor opened his sermon with two verses:
Matthew 28:19 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
Acts 1:8 “But you will receive power when then Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
I, of course, started bawling while my sister-in-law passed me tissues and I’m sure everyone around looked at me like I was nuts. But it didn’t matter because the Lord was faithful and heard my plea. Now it is my turn to be obedient.
I had heard about the World Race before and was excited at the idea of going to 11 countries in 11 months to share the love of God to so many different people in so many different ways. I was fascinated at the idea of people leaving everything behind and living out of two backpacks for a year. I was encouraged by the people who, like me, were afraid to pray out loud and share the gospel, but trusted in the Lord and saw lives being changed through their prayers and the relationships built with people they encountered.
I have had people ask me if I would maybe want to try a shorter mission trip to a familiar location before I jump into this long term mission. To those people I would say: I don’t need to go away for a week to find out if mission work is something I “like”. If God called you to go share his love with a complete stranger, would you say, “Hold up, God. Let me go do a test run on my friend to see if I am ok with it.” Or would you trust that He will provide you with everything you need to do his work?
I have had people say that the world is too dangerous to travel right now and that I don’t need to go anywhere. To those people I would say: This is the time when the message and the love of God is needed the most. The world is in desperate need of a Savior, OUR Savior, THE Savior.
I have had people tell me that $16,000 is a lot of money. To those people I would say: Yes. It is. But God created the earth and everything in it. He split the sea and set captives free. He defeated countless armies, destroyed nations and made others prosper. He raised up kings and made the worthless feel like queens. He healed the sick and brought the dead back to life. He gave strength to the weary, humility to the proud, riches to the poor, hope to the hopeless and turned the most evil of hearts into a great witness of Christ. Money is no obstacle to God.
Trust me; I have wrestled with this decision. I have prayed over and over to make sure that this is God’s will. I have gotten to the point where I can do nothing else but trust in God and what He will do through this. Throughout all these uncomfortable situations, God has continually reminded me that as I get uncomfortable FOR Him, I will find great comfort IN Him.
I don’t consider this as putting my life on hold. This is the next season of my life. God will provide a teaching job when it is time and there will be much rejoicing in that season. But right now it is time for us- for God and for me- to trust, to change, to build, to grow, and to love whole-heartedly and unconditionally.
So I say it again- let’s get uncomfortable.
