“Ali, you’re coming with us on Wednesday.”
That phrase, oh! One of the most beautiful phrases.
Okay, let’s put this into some context so we aren’t just in the dark here.
Many of you know my passion for women and my heart and reasoning behind it. Most of you know my story and the storms that’s have engulfed me.
So if you don’t know any of this I’ll give you a quick recap: my heart is to see broken and bound women to be restored and liberated. More specifically, I feel the Lord calling me into ministry with trafficked women. The ones who have been violated, used, broken down and not treated like actual people. I’ve been in those places of shame. I’ve walked in those shoes of feeling unworthy and want to show people there is a way to experience the exact opposite of that. There is a way to experience and find healing, permanent healing!
So as a part of this journey on the world race, I’ve wanted so badly to do ministry in red light districts, bars, massage parlors and places where these women are trapped and forcibly selling their bodies to anyone and everyone who decides to take their offer.
Month 7, Malaysia. I hadn’t done any ministry with women up until that point.
My team was blessed with an awesome ministry and people to work alongside of.
On Wednesday nights, we did a street outreach ministry where we would walk to streets and let the Holy Spirit lead us. The first night, our head honcho said, “there is no agenda, except for those two over there, they go to the red light district and talk with prostitutes.”
I perked up like a dog who just heard the sound of his Kibbles and Bits hitting his food bowl. I heard the sound of my food hitting the bowl.
The next thing he said was that they typically didn’t take new people with them.
My heart wrenched quite a bit.
This was my opportunity. My opportunity to see if I was meant to be on the front lines of this ministry. But it quickly became an unreachable desire in my mind.
The thought wouldn’t leave me alone. I finally worked up the courage to ask one of the ones who went into the RLD a week later and simply said, “Pray about it but let me know because I’d love to accompany you guys.”
A few days later he told me that I was going with them but to really prepare myself and my heart because it wasn’t an easy place to be.
At first it worried me a little bit. I decided to take a day to fast while we spent a solid 8+ hours in the prayer room the day before the street ministry.
I’m accustomed to The Daniel Fast and have never done an all water fast for an entire day before.
It was hard, I’ll be honest. My body craved food. I was weak and tired and couldn’t focus much during the day on really anything except for the next day. But that time in the prayer room was one of the coolest experiences I’ve had with the Lord.
I spent a majority of my time in prayer praying that the Lord would prepare my heart and my mind for the time talking with the women and lady boys.
I asked that He would dissolve any expectations I had so that I would be walking with a clear and peaceful mind and heart.
I asked that He would equip me and make me ready.
Towards the end of the night after praying for my preparation and praying for the people we would be encountering, I revisited the idea of the Lord equipping me. I didn’t know what else to say or pray for but I didn’t feel at peace yet about it all. I hadn’t gotten any responses probably because I wasn’t listening. But then it happened.
“Ali, I’ve equipped you. I’ve been preparing your heart for a long time for this. Can’t you put all the pieces together. I’ve had my hand in this the whole time. I am perfect in all my ways. Isn’t it obvious? Let’s get started.”
My mind went back to specific instances of my life where my heart broke for broken women.
And I’m not just talking about after I was raped; The Lord showed me certain examples before I was raped.
He showed me the time that my heart broke for the ladies who had been told what they wanted to hear for someone else’s own pleasure then pushed aside shortly after, leaving them feeling used and unwanted.
He showed me the time I lived and volunteered at an orphanage in Guatemala and heard the stories of the orphans. He reminded me that my heart was drawn more towards the cases of molestation and sexual abuse.
He exposed my heart after I was violated, How I hurt for every woman who had felt the pain of chains and trauma. How I wanted to help, but didn’t know how.
“I wouldn’t lead you into something you weren’t ready for. You have what it takes. You’re already equipped. So walk in it, Al. Walk in the authority. Walk in the boldness. Walk in the love. This is it.”
At that moment I felt an immense amount of peace.
Even though it took until the very last few hours of my prayer and fasting to get the revelation, it was worth it. It was well worth the hunger pangs, the weakness, the frustrations, the moments when I was face down heart broken for the world and this horrid issue of trafficking. It was worth the moments when I may or may not have been halfway falling asleep because of the lack of energy.
It was worth it all.
Then He said this:
“I’m so excited for you, Al!”
I love the fact that the Lord gets excited over what He has for us. (Check my very first world race blog for more on that).
—-
Wednesday night. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I was ready.
I won’t go into too much detail because I don’t feel that it’s my place to describe Times Square. My intentions are never to exploit anyone or anything.
As we turned to the corner to the dark alleyway where the women were, I heard the Lord say, “Let’s go, girl!”
(The Lord and I have a strange way of talking to each other. It’s not the King James dialect.)
We made our way to the area where the transvestites were. We were invited into the brothel where some of the lady boys were getting ready for their night.
There was one woman who spoke English. To protect her identity, we can call her Gretchen. Yes Gretchen was my name of choice for her.
The three of us had a very good conversation with Gretchen. At one point, one of us asked her if this was actually what she grew up wanting to do. If this was her dream job.
Gretchen paused and said, “well, no. It’s not what I grew up thinking I would do.”
I took my eyes off her for a moment and realized the reality I was sitting in, literally.
This isn’t at all what I grew up thinking I’d be doing either. Lady, I’m right there with ya.
I never in my life thought I would be sitting in a brothel talking with transvestites. Never would I thought God would use my story to give me a heart for broken women, for bonded prostitutes.
I never thought I would want to work in such a sensitive and tedious ministry.
But here I am. And I wouldn’t change one thing.
It’s an honor to be used for the Kingdom. It’s an honor to go through the suffering and the pain that I’ve been through.
Acts 5:41 “They left the council rejoicing, counting themselves worthy to suffer dishonor for His name.”
I’m going to fast forward to a confirming moment just about a week later. It was our month 7 debrief. Our squad mentor gave us envelopes with our names on them.
They were envelopes with the letters we had written to our 6 Month Self the day before we left for the race. But it just so happened that we opened them one month later than expected.
I opened mine and was really discouraged as I began reading it because if we are being honest, I am pretty bad at encouraging myself for things.
“Hey Al, how ya doing? Don’t give up” was the extent of the first half of the letter. I mean man, exhortation is not a gift of mine.
Then I turned the page over and saw the bold all caps word.
“Remember, you were made for more and EQUIPPED for more and the Lord will let it come to pass.”
Equipped.
Oh, I get it now.
The timing of us opening those letters couldn’t have been any more perfect.
God has already equipped me. He just had to remind me and confirm me for me to be able to see that I was already walking with all the equipment I needed.
I have His armor. I have His Spirit. I have His love and His guidance.
As I mentioned earlier, He wouldn’t take us through something we weren’t prepared for. He wouldn’t call us to circumstances that we couldn’t handle.
“Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant EQUIP you with everything good that you may do His will working in us that which is pleasing in His sight through Jesus Christ to whom be glory forever and ever.”
Hebrews 13:20-21
He doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.
