Hey!
It’s been some time since I’ve updated on how I’m doing, so i’m going to do the usual on the World Race and be uncomfortably honest. I’ve been away from home for a while now, month one is already over and I’m already a week into month two in Nepal. I’m about to let you in on some struggles of mine and how God’s been working in my life on the World Race.
I love being at home, my place of refuge. I love being with family and friends, my source of stability and acceptance. I love being with my significant other, my place of love and worth. God blessed me with a comfortable home, all of my daily needs, an amazing set of family and friends, and a loving boyfriend (Michael). There was no form of love or support I was lacking.
Most of you don’t know my story, but these things all went far in walking me out of a long life of secrets and darkness. The out pouring of love was necessary to uplift me from the lies of worthlessness and help in the healing process. My loving network of family, friends, and Michael are still good things, but God saw the issue clearly where I did not.
God had rescued me and called me into life with Him and I was so happy to agree, but following Jesus comes with a cost. To follow Jesus you have to die to yourself, carry your cross, and follow Him, right? I didn’t know what that really looked like. It was at launch of the World Race that He started to show me. He let on real quick that I had my priorities all wrong. At the beginning of India I asked Him: why am I here? Here’s what He told me:
“You haven’t fully surrendered to me. You had to let go of all the things you clung to and loved instead of me, the greatest need of your heart and soul. You starve yourself of the only thing that can sustain you. You’re dead. I’ve called you to life. You must die to yourself. I will teach you who you are and show you my glory. I will fill you with living water and let you taste my goodness, so that you follow me.
I love you relentlessly. You are my child. I will have you believe the truth of your identity in me. I will give you the Holy Spirit and make you new. I will put you through the fire and make you clean, clothed in my righteousness. I will call you into discomfort and hardship until you completely depend on me, your Father. I will do this all of your days if need be.”
There’s a lot more, but this is enough. I still hadn’t fully surrendered to Him. I loved Michael, my family, and even my friends more than I loved Him, and refused to surrender it over to Him. So I asked Him to strip me of that and increase my love for Him and He has been.
The truth is that He’s my Lord and my savior. He’s my refuge, my comfort, my rock, my redeemer, the source of my worth, and the source of all the love I could ever need. I don’t have to cast out my friends, family, or boyfriend or whatever else from my life and only have Jesus in my life (that’s crazy, He made us to need relationships).
I just need to understand who I am and love Him most, so I can properly love myself and everyone else out of that outflowing. I have to love Him above all else, with everything in me (Matt. 22:37) if I have any hope of following Him and living the amazing life He’s called me to. Loving anything more than Him makes it an idol to you.
So, here’s some food for thought for you:
Who do you love most?
