Infusion : the act or process of infusing
A little anticlimactic, most of us can think of that definition. The truth that this definition really holds is the process. Molding and burning and twisting. Shaping that very object into another. Until the original object turns unrecognizable.
My teammate Mel once said “I feel like the grinch and my heart is just getting two sizes bigger”
I laughed, brushed past it and then realized that is the exact feeling I have been experiencing for these past two months. I used to go through my daily routine passing people, choosing which ones I wanted to help for the sake of my own glory. If I don’t get the Instagram post does it even count? If no one recognizes my good works then what is the point? The Lord broke down these selfish barriers that I truly didn’t recognize I had up. Then began the infusing of our character. Slight changes with major impacts on how I serve. “Lord where do you want to lead me today” “Abba how can I help” no one tells you how hard it is to follow God. You lose all the pieces you depended on for 18 years. Comparison, credit, jealousy I wore these on my shoulder like they were prized possessions. He is slowly allowing the process to hang humility, life, and compassion on my heart instead. I battle with it most days. Internally thinking how I am too weak to fill holes and break down concrete. I am too bad with children to play with a woman’s baby for hours on end. I am too unrecognizable to walk for sex slavery and be determined to end it. But then there is the reminder that he is with me, molded into my thoughts and posture. We all make an impact. Negative or positive we are faced with a choice. We can lean on our own understanding, falling short never reaching out to the people who cry out most. Or depend on a Father that is never ceasing. When I walk in tune with what the Father is asking of me I get to watch the bags of a woman with six hernias so she can do her market shopping, then pray over her. I get to scream and run around a soccer field with kids and let them make fun of me. I get to embrace the community around me. My heart has growing pains most of the time and I constantly feel like I am begging for clarity as I go from the girl who didn’t give the kid in my algebra class the time of day but now look at a cashier at a super market with newfound adoration.
Thanks for reading it means the world that you took time out of your day just to hear the jumbled thoughts of a confused but happy daughter of the king.
Blessings Always!
Alexis Simmons
