Constant community is great… but also really hard.
Coming from a family of three (My mom, Dad, and myself), transitioning to a house of 40 has been a process for sure. There is NEVER quiet, and you can move from room to room and find something going on. For example you can walk into the kitchen and see 20+ people trying to use one stove to cook dinner… and in the next room a movie night, people playing dutch blitz, and spontaneous deep convos and prayer gatherings. Outside a few people are dancing around a fire, chasing chickens or simply stargazing and jamming to some toons.
Constant community.
Being an extrovert, I thrive in this community. Staying up into the early morning hours laughing until my stomach hurts, or listening to the hard things people are processing. I love it all, expecially my new family who I feel like I have known for YEARS. They are so beautiful and intentional, and really, truly care about ALL the things. But something the Lord has been showing me this past week is that even though I love this constant community and thrive in it, I also need to remember to grow in Intimacy with Him. After all, He is the whole reason I am doing this thing… and above all, He is all I need. Especially when FOMO hits hard.
During one of our worship sessions we were prompted to meditate on God, and just open up our minds to what He wants to tell us. My whole life I was never one to hear so clearly from God, or even see pictures and visions from Him.
Since entering the field, that has changed quite a bit. During this session I had a repeating themes appear in my prayer. The Lord showed me images of books tipping over the edge of a shelf, but not quite falling off. Also a picture of a baby bird trying to fly, but as soon as it got off the ground it fell. A picture of me standing before the father in His throne room, but there was a distance between us, and He desperately wanted me to come closer… but something was holding me back.
All this to say that my community here has been sweet. But the Lord is trying to show me that His presense is even sweeter… and even though I want to spend every second of every day with my family, I need to spend quality time with my Lord and savior and develop my relationship with Him. I am on the verge of tipping over the edge of deep intimacy with the Father, I just need to take that next step and truly dive deep into His love.
Psalm 119:103 – “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”
