In the beginning of this month, I felt completely lost and alone. Although I was spending more time in prayer, in God’s Word, and in fellowship than ever before, I felt disconnected from it all. I felt like I had sunk below the surface and was drowning in the deep. I felt so much that I felt numb, a paradox of emotion. I was consumed with circumstances in my life that I have no control over.
I was crying out every day to God, seeking His face, asking for answers, searching for peace and comfort. But all I heard was silence.
And then one morning I sat down to open my journal to pour out everything that was raging within me. I needed to get all of it out, to process, to see the state of my broken heart in writing. To have all of my feelings clearly set before me. I needed to face my brokenness. I needed to lay it all at the feet of Jesus.
But I didn’t even know where to begin….
I turned on some worship music, and the first song that played was “You Won’t Relent” by WorshipMob/Mistry Edwards. I broke into tears under the weight of the words. Soaking up the truth of God’s voice through the lyrics. I began to write. I wrote one question down in my journal, and that was when the dam of everything broke within me and Jesus’ presence poured out surrounding me.
And as I cried out to God, He answered me clearly and and reached the core of me in that moment. I picked up my pen, and His truth, His voice, His love for me poured out into six pages of my journal. Read this letter, with your own relationship with God in mind. Let Him declare His love for you, His perfect design for your life, His desire for an eternal relationship with you. Your Father cares for you in ways that you can’t even begin to fathom. Even when you can’t ‘feel’ it, His presence is constant. Even if you can’t see it or choose not to believe it, it doesn’t make HIS LOVE FOR YOU any less real, any less true. Your lack of understanding or unbelief doesn’t change who God is or all that He has done. He created you to be in a relationship with Him, to seek His face and know His heart for you above all else. I believe that in this love letter that God wrote to me, there are many treasured truths that He wants to share with you as well. Take some time today to sit with the Lord and read the love letter that He is writing specifically for you.
(Journal Entry: Love Letter from God)
Me: God, where is my heart; what are my chains, what binds me, separating me from you?
God’s response: Your heart is in the past, in your relationship with him. You chose your relationship with him over your relationship with me. You sacrificed intimacy, unfailing intimacy with me, for human conditional intimacy. You say you’re letting go, but you’re still holding on with clenched fists in the quiet moments when you’re alone. It’s hard, my daughter, how difficult it is for you; My heart hearts for your heartbreak. RETURN TO ME… let Me redeem you in your brokenness, let Me restore you with My right hand, let Me redefine your dreams, let Me make you whole. Let Me set you free, My precious one. I don’t want you to sit in this despair bound up in bondage by broken promises, betrayals, and dashed hopes. I AM lifting your head, look at Me. Gaze into My ever steady eyes that look on you with adoration. I AM patient and will continue to pursue you, even in your faltering. I desire all of you, every last bit. I won’t force your life’s surrender, but I won’t stop knocking at the door of your heart. Listen to the steady beat of my knocking. I AM waiting at all hours of the day; I can be found by you – only open your heart and your eyes to see Me. I sent My Son so that you could have an abundant life to the full… That life can only be found in Me, nothing or no one else. Only I can satisfy the parched desert in your heart. I AM the Living Water and I want to quench your every thirst, drowning you in My unconditional love and mercy… I AM God, I’m well aware that you cannot do this on your own, although you continue to try. Rest in Me and My power and strength. Daily, ask Me for that which you can’t supply your spirit on your own – a heart that is hungry for a relationship with me, a soul that seeks My face and My satisfaction.
I know you completely, Alexis. You can’t hide from me; I MADE YOU. You, daughter, are my design, made in My image; I AM lives in you. I know your every thought, your every desire; I know the very heart of you. I reach into the depths of your hear and bring your secret parts to the life. Although you feel lost, you are not; you have always been found in Me. Although you feel alone, you are not; I have not left your side, I will never forsake you.
Give your feelings to Me, they’re fickle and they’ll fail you. Rely on Me and My truths; I AM forever faithful. Find Me in the quiet, beloved, I AM here, loving you like crazy! Why do you doubt My love for you? I have loved you before you were conceived and I will love you to your dying breath into eternity. Girl, that’s for ‘eva & ‘eva, why can’t you grasp that? Quit being stubborn and KNOW ME. My love and desire for a relationship with you is relentless. I will never give you up. You have been called; you are chosen.
Just as it hurts you to be left behind, to be only an option or a second choice, to be betrayed, to not be enough…. IT HURTS ME. You have been treating Me in the ways you despise being treated. You have hurt Me in the ways that you hate to be hurt. Stop it. Let Me heal you, completely. I AM the ULTIMATE EVERYTHING. Allow My voice to enter every pore of your body, mind, and soul and be the soothing balm that comforts you. Soak up My Word as medicine that will heal you and save you. I ALONE CAN SAVE YOU. Do you understand, Alexis? I alone. Everything else, everyone else, are just ‘water resistant’ band aids that fall off as soon as a few beads of sweat sink underneath the surface.
Come to Me, daughter, and I will give you rest. Find shelter underneath the shadow of My wings. Crawl up into your Abba’s lap and be comforted. I AM the beginning and the end. Period. You can trust Me. You can trust Me. You can trust Me. Call upon My name. I sent My Son to die for YOU. I AM the perfect love that casts out all fear. I AM LOVE; the love that you desire with every ounce of your being, yet you reject in Me. Why, why do you doubt Me? Why am I not enough for you?
I know that I AM everything, but you don’t yet know and believe. Let Me show you. I AM a tender lover of My children. I AM gentle in spirit and I AM kind. Right now, in this very moment, I AM wiping away your every tear and cradling you in my arms. I AM your safe heaven; fall apart at My feet and I will make you whole. You are a new creation in Me. Take my hand and walk with me. Let me show you the miraculous and beautiful design I have for your messy garden. Let Me yank out the weeds that are entangling you. Let Me make your paths straight. Let Me fill you with the aroma of Christ. Let Me heal the wounds that have been furrowed in your heart. Let Me fill up the holes that were dug by your choices made apart from Me. Let ME plant new desires in your spirit that will bloom and grow under My watchful care and My nurturing guidance. LET ME IN.
I AM here. I have always been with you and I always will be. Alexis, let me show you, step by step. I AM tangible. Grasp onto My grace, cling to Christ, and KNOW ME. Trust in Me, and not your own understanding. You are limited. I AM limitless. You can’t fathom me; you weren’t meant to. Revel in My mystery. Release your desire for control and rest in My sovereignty. I AM on the throne and I AM LORD OF YOUR LIFE. I AM tangible; I AM as real as it gets. Real freedom can only be found in and through Me. Fly forth in My freedom; rise up in faith and I will lift you up on the wings of eagles. I AM the wind beneath your wings.
I will kiss you with the holiest of kisses. With my divine kiss I have sealed you with the Holy Spirit. You are not alone; I AM with you to the very end of the age. I will not leave you empty. I AM filling you up, in this very moment, with the Living Water that is Me, which will never run dry.
Yield your heart to Me; I will take care of you.
I LOVE YOU, Alexis Marie Lenz Staeb. I always have and I always will. I AM your fierce Father in Heaven and I AM fighting FOR YOU. The battle is won in me. Stand firm, stand victorious.
With everlasting love,
Papa God
