So I finally got around to announcing that I am doing this race on Facebook today. Don’t know why I waited so long, but any who, today I did. Then I realized something, people are not going to take me seriously. Here’s why….
If you have ever met me or known me from the time I was 15 to the time I turned 23, you would probably think this is stupid. How fake am I to go on the World Race and to “chase after Jesus” for the next year? That’s because for most of high school and undergrad, I was the girl who was known as getting black-out drunk every night who was crazy and angry and the “party girl.” There is no way that someone as screwed up as me can do something like this and not be totally fake about it… How could God use someone with such a “non-Christian” background for His purposes…someone like me?
But on June 11, 2013, I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. By His blood alone, I am redeemed. I am no longer a wretched, black-hearted sinner. I am robed with His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). I have been forgiven of my past sins. His grace is crazy, beautiful, and wonderful. I stand amazed that someone as messed up, screwed up as me can be used by the one true King.
For the past year of graduate school, I have been growing in my relationship with Christ. I have been learning what obedience, grace, and mercy look like in my life. However the more I learn about how good and faithful our Father in heaven is, the more I realize that how far from perfect I really am. I still make SOOOO many mistakes. If you ask people in my cohort in my graduate program, they could probably attest to that. I mess up 1513857 times a day. But God’s grace abounds. His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:23). My actions, words, thoughts remind me everyday how much I need Him. Like Paul, I feel like I am the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15).
But here is the beautiful thing: God calls me worthy. He can and will use me for His glory among the nations. He doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called! Think of all the people in the Bible that were screwed just like me who God used for crazy awesome Kingdom purposes.
- Abraham was too old
- Sarah laughed at God’s promises.
- Moses stuttered and questioned God’s judgment in picking him. He killed a man.
- David was too young. He also killed a man & had an affair.
- Hosea’s wife was a prostitute.
- Jacob was a liar.
- Lazarus was dead.
- John was self-righteous.
- The Apostle Paul spent his life murdering Christians.
- Jeremiah was depressed & suicidal.
- Noah was a drunk.
- Jonah ran from God.
- Peter denied Jesus three times.
So as you can see, God is faithful! He will use screwed up me for the advancement of His Kingdom among the nations. Maybe being screwed up is the exact qualifications God looks for, because it makes so apparent that it is nothing that we can do of ourselves, but it is His work and His work alone (2 Corinthians 3:5).
I don’t have to have some awesome “Christian” background or have my life “all-together” (whatever that means). I just have to follow after Jesus. That is all He wants and that is all I need. So here I go…
“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” Philippians 3:7-9
