…Continued
One piece of advice that my squad leader gave me stuck out to me (even though I was thinking how mad I was). She told me to get real and express my anger. She told me “Fake it till you make it” is stupid. I thought what does that even mean? You have to push down your feelings and put on a smile to make it in this world. But nonetheless, I was still really, really, really mad and decided it would take more energy to hide it with my squad mates than not. So I got real.
Every time, someone asked me how I was doing or how I liked my team. I decided not to lie or even tell a white lie. I told them I was living and that I hated my team. I even told my team of girls that exact thing. I moaned and groaned to so many people. You would think people would start ignoring me or telling me to suck it up or even be rude back. But want to know what really happened???
I was shown unconditional grace and love. Like what?! They told me it was cool that I was being real. They spoke life into me even when I really didn’t want to hear it. Even more so, they actually listened to me. They wanted me to express my anger and showed me love just by listening to me complain. They weren’t annoyed. They prayed deep, meaningful prayers over me. They were Jesus to me.
Jesus loves us unconditionally. He knows we are going to sin before we even sin, yet He chose us! He wraps us in His love and grace no matter what we do or don’t do. He loves us when we curse Him out and tell Him how mad we are at Him. His love is incomprehensible but also unfailing.
The small percentage of God’s unconditional love that my squad and team members showed me in spite of my horrible attitude was overwhelming. I was broken by the team-making process. It brought out a lot of pain and insecurities that I didn’t know I still had. But God was there the entire time…to pick up the pieces and to fill me with His amazing love. If I only experienced that small amount of His amazing grace through my squad mates, I want SO MUCH MORE. I can’t wait to be broken more, so I can have more and more of Him. And He is good, oh so good.
So world, let’s stop being fake and start getting real. Let’s be vulnerable, even if it hurts or even if it’s messy. Because that is when you can truly be loved on by your community and healed by our Father in Heaven. Everyone’s prayers over me have started to have power. I am overjoyed to say that I woke up a little excited about my team this morning. And I can’t wait to do life and share God’s love to the nations with the other 5 incredible women on my team! Only 5 weeks till Launch! Yippee!
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
Side note: I am so overwhelmed by the love and generosity of my supporters. Thank you, thank you. It means so much more to me than you will ever know. But I still need a little over $1700 to officially launch with the World Race at the end of August! Please prayerfully consider supporting me. Love you all!
