Have you ever been in a crowd of people yet felt terribly alone? I think this is something we all have or will experience as racers. Sometimes community can feel lonely, in the same aspect, being alone can feel like community. I believe this feeling comes from our desire for, and frankly our lack of, one on one time.
I was talking with one of our squad members about how she had been feeling quite alone in her team. Her loneliness did not come from being left out of the group or even being forgotten about but it had come from the lack of one on one time she was finding within the people on her team.
In the same way we desire one on one time, so does the father. When you are surrounded by people ALL of the time it is difficult to find those intimate moments with Jesus. Back home, most of my time with Jesus was spent facedown on my bedroom or living room floor, blaring “Different” by Micah Taylor and even singing my own random lyrics as loud as I could muster.
Going from that kind of personal relationship with God to something that feels so corprate has been really difficult for me. Even in the moments when I am alone, am I really? There is always someone sleeping right around the corner or a group of people fellowshiping in the common area. The rooms always have at least one person in them and when you begin to play music, it tends to draw in the team.
I am slowely but surely learning to fall into Christ the way he intended(without ceasing). What does a non stop relationship with Christ look like? Would I be able to know him so well that I don’t have to question whether or not he needs me to move. Would I immidiately know when his heart is breaking or when he is standing in joy?
This week was only a debrief in Banos, Ecuador so I don’t have much ministry to share except for that of which God is stirring in my heart. I think it is time I begin to spend time with him, regardless of the atmosphere around me. It doesn’t matter how busy I get, I always make time for the people I love. When did God become someone I put on the backburner? When did I become someone who is ashamed of their intimacy I have with him? One on one time is definitely necessary but maybe I could redefine how I create it. Maybe, just maybe, I could make time for him even when I am not alone!
P.S. Here is a cool picture from adventure day!
