Gaining weight on the race is real for some women.
Emotional eating does exist, seriously, I have eaten my feelings through mass amounts of peanut butter & treats.
My body has gone through quite some changes in 3 months.
And still, even knowing my truths in God, this has an affect on me.
There are nitty gritty parts of the race that one will never be able to understand unless you become a racer. So many things I was not aware I would have to experience until I stepped foot in the Dominican month one.
My changing body was one of them.
Weird food cravings, binge eating, lots & lots of comfort food and day dreaming about your favorite meals..it all happens here on the race. Not to mention cultures overseas love meals with rice, and bread, and lots of other carbs.
And when you are in the Dominican Republic month one and a teammate brings a jar of peanut butter to team time, the only logical thing to do on the race is pass it around the table until it is polished off.
Or when you are in Haiti living on a compound with access to familiar foods, it is only natural to late night eat mass amounts of cereal..yes that happened.
I have also learned I am a food hoarder, meaning at one point I had an entire backpack filled with granola bars-just in case ya know.
So, with all that being said, before I even knew it in 2 months I have gained weight, my skin became a little less clear & I was having major issues with my appearance.
It truly is a struggle, for so many reasons.
Since arriving in Honduras, I learned I was not the only girl on my team having these issues-so we joined a gym.
I am not really a gym person. I am a runner. I am not a marathon status runner, but I can do it well & it is such a sweet release for me.
The world race has a rule you cannot go anywhere alone, so obviously I am not able to run outside alone. But the gym has treadmills and on the first day I happily jumped on one and got to work. After a grueling 30 minutes, I was so frustrated with how out of shape I allowed myself to get-it was almost torture getting through what used to be a normal daily activity for me.
Giving myself some grace, I got back on the treadmill over the next few days & still wasn’t happy with my results. I knew I was being hard on myself and getting frustrated too easy-but its a mind over matter thing, and I was letting my mind win.
It all came to a head when a few teammates & I decided to try running outside for a “quick” workout. I was game for running outside thinking it was the treadmills fault..yea right..and I would get back into my groove easily.
Wrong.
We ran for 23 minutes and I struggled. Straight up. I was pissed honestly. I was frustrated. I hated my body at that moment. I ignored the truths of Gods great love for me and let my flesh win.
All because I couldn’t run as well as before. I spent the next few minutes beating myself up about “how I let myself go” & that I am not as good as I was a couple of months ago. That then turned into completely putting myself down about everything else. That I “let myself go” with reading my bible, being in constant conversation with God & seeking Him out daily.
But one of my teammates, Paul, spoke some truth into that and through the night God grabbed my hand and gently lead me back into His word.
“I run to you God; I run for dear life.” (Psalm 31:1, MSG)
“Because you’ve always stood up for me, I’m free to run and play.” (Psalm 63:7, MSG)
“Let me run loose and free, celebrating GOD’s great work, Every bone in my body laughing, singing, ‘GOD, there’s no one like you.’” (Psalm 35:9, MSG)
Truth.
I have been running to get to a finish line. Pursuing my goals in the same way-grinding out the work to achieve success. I have actually lived a lot of my life like that.
But now I want it to be more about the way I run. More than just the results I see from my work.
I want to run with Jesus and be full of joy about it!
With Jesus freely & joyfully glorifying The Lord.
Running is solitude for me. It is being free. It is time alone with Jesus that is so enriching to my soul.
And although I may not do it well, or even as well I used to, I will keep running -but with more Jesus. I want to focus more on what God is doing through me as I am working for Him and not the success outcome of what I put into my work. And I will continue to improve, because of Jesus, not me-which is so true with everything.
With more Jesus, it will improve. It will get better. He is good. Always.
So..here is to more Jesus. And running!
