I don’t know what bedtime looks like for you. But for me, it’s a long process. And no, I don’t mean that because I have some extreme getting-ready-for-bed routine (its usually just pyjamas, wash face, brush teeth, lights out). It’s a long process because falling asleep takes me over an hour. My brain just won’t stop thinking and moving, no matter how tired I am. I ask myself what I should wear tomorrow, if today went how I anticipated that it would, if I talked to the people I love, and oh yeah what’s that line in that song that I can’t remember the name of?… on and on and on…
When I was little, instead of lying in bed staring up at a dark ceiling, I entertained myself by letting my imagination go wild and create made-up scenarios. I call it my conscious dreamtime. The typical situation involved me being a trapped in a stone prison or a princess fighting arrogant aristocrats in some faraway castle, but sometimes, it was just me at school. In these dreams, I was still little-grade school Alexa, the same white girl I had always been, but instead of being in the normal American school I frequented, I was totally out of place. Everyone in this school had dark skin, and head coverings, and wore long skirts. I didn’t know why, but I had been told to dress like them because it was respectful and would help me assimilate better. Every time this played out, I began as an outsider but eventually made friends with these kids who were somehow different than me.
Fast forward to exactly one year ago. I was in Pittsburgh, PA at the Jubilee conference, organized by the Coalition for Christian Outreach (shoutout to my fam @ Indianola CC!). This gathering works through the history of mankind; how sin entering the world and the birth and death of Jesus are pivotal moments. It was Sunday morning, during the last session which is called “Restoration” (all about how Jesus brings the restoration of the earth to the way God intended in creation- praise Him for that!). As we worshipped Jesus, we were shown a video about missions work in India. I was hardly paying attention, as I was exhausted and just wanted to be on the bus home so I could sleep. Images of beautiful Indian women, dressed in saris, blurred in front of my eyes, barely comprehended. But suddenly, the dreamtime from grade school jumped to the top of my brain. It was like being jolted me awake. As I watched this memory replay, overlaid by the Indian women, I felt God say “Daughter, look. I want you to be different. I want you to go somewhere where you don’t fit in, to spread my Name and my Love.” I asked, “Do you mean the World Race?” (for I had been desiring to go for years), and almost with a chuckle, He said, “Yes, the World Race. Go.” I sat down, overwhelmed, and just lost it. I was sobbing into my knees as everyone around me began to sing again. My best friend Alesha* asked me what was wrong, but nothing was wrong! Everything was so right. I finally knew what my Father was calling me to do.
One of my favorite words right now is DWELL. It has tons of meanings- both secular and religious. The Merriam-Webster definition includes “to live as a resident” and “to keep the attention directed on.” In the Old Testament, dwell is most frequently translated from Hebrew as yashabh, “to sit down’ or sometimes “abide,” “inhabit,” “remain.” Another word often rendered to “dwell” is shakhan (“to settle down”). The Bible tells us that the Trinity dwells in light (1 Timothy 6:16, 1 John 1:7), in heaven (Psalms 123:1), and -most importantly for us- in the hearts of his people (Ephesians 3:17-19, 1 Corinthians 3:16, 2 Timothy 1:14).
As I face my last semester of undergrad, my mind battles over two sides of reality. One part of me recognizes the nearness of graduation, and wants to skip right to launching on the World Race. The other part of me realizes that this is the last time I’ll be able to have such a flexible schedule, with time and opportunity to see my friends whenever we can, to live with amazing Christian women, and to be a part of fascinating projects. So, I have been pouring all my time into the many communities I’m involved in (also tossing in class, two jobs, and research). It feels like I never stop moving. All this movement gives me life and joy, but it is EXHAUSTING. While it is important that I take advantage of the freedom and opportunities university offers, the endless busyness means I don’t always have the time to actually enjoy my experiences. Recently, God has been placing on my heart the idea of ‘dwelling’- revealing it to me in quiet time, in conversation with friends, in sermons, and in books. In the midst of the craziness of my life, He is telling me to slow down. To settle myself down and abide in the present. Far more important than experiencing something is actually living the experience. If I’m exhausted, and thinking about what time I should go to my research lab, or whether the $2 coffee will make me poor, I won’t be enjoying (or remembering) the conversation I am having.
And as I dwell in my current season of life, making valuable memories, I will be better prepared for to leave all the people I love for a year. I will be able to dwell joyfully, even when I’m uncomfortable, dirty, wearing the same shirt I’ve been wearing for months.
So, this is an exhortation to all my peeps with crazy busy lives:
DWELL.
Sit down, take a breath. Take twenty minutes to be with God. Abide in the moment. Enjoy what you are involved in. Be intentional. Have that coffee with your friend and don’t worry about the ten thousand other things you could be doing. Be still. Focus on the life memory you are cultivating right now.
I’ll leave you with this one last thought:
The concept of “dwelling deep” occurs in Jeremiah 49:8, and refers to the custom in antiquity of seeking refuge from impending danger, by hiding in the recesses of rocks and caverns, or to remote places in the desert. Let the words of this hymn sink in to your heart:
“You are my hiding place/ You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance/ whenever I am afraid/ I will trust in You”
[WOW- literally as I write this, I am listening to Technicolour Beat by Oh Wonder. In the lyrics are the lines: “Lay down your slow, come settle down… Swing me your bones, come settle down.” I don’t think that is a coincidence!]
*Thank you for loving and caring for me so well, Alesha. Love you long time.
