Life is suppose to be chaotic. We welcome it. It makes us feel productive and purposeful.
So what do you do when there is nothing to do? Well I guess you wait….
I don't like being still. Especially when there is so much that can be done. But I have a lesson to learn. That lesson is patience.
I thought my world race journey would start off with a bang. That I would be enthralled in some crazy, exciting ministry where we would constantly be going, doing and working. It's only day 2 here in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, but I already feel worthless. Four members of my team left with a man this morning to go into the jungle and do construction on a safe house for Christians. Two other girls and myself are waiting to hear from an American woman that does anti sextrafficking work. Right now we're at a stand still. Just waiting. I can feel frustration starting to take over, but know that there is a purpose for this spare time.
I need to remember that in the stillness and quiet there is much to be done. I need to remember that there is power in prayer. In the times when it is too dangerous to go outside or when we're anxiously waiting, I still have a ministry. Prayer.
Right across the street from where we're staying is a strip of massage parlors, hotels and restaurants that all take part in sex trafficking. Women and girls are sold out of the back of shops and stores, and if I look out my window I can see where it happens. We're surrounded by filthy men, desperate families and a corrupt government. Maybe right now at this moment I can't go outside, but I definitely can sit here on my bed, in this hostel and pray.
Pray for radical transformation of the hearts of the men that take part in sex trafficking.
Pray for the families that sell their daughters into the industry to make a little money.
Pray for the girls who are victimized by acts of selfishness, poverty, desperation, human desires, and the destruction of mankind.
I don't know why things like this happen, and I can't explain why people are the way that they are.
I do know that it's easy to get caught up in understanding. It's easy to be unsettled with questions. It's easy to point the finger at God when we come to moments of raw realization or when we discover real pain and suffering in the world. Blameshifiting has always been easy and will always be that way.
It's hard to ask the tough questions and know that you won't always have an answer. It's hard to know that there won't always be an escape from confusion. It's hard to see things in the world that just aren't right and to still see and know that God is good. But there is truth in our deceit. The devil sees our weakness and strives to use it against us. To take blame and confusion as a stronghold for evil ways and thinking.
When I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how neither day nor night do one's eye see sleep, then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out.
Ecclesiastes 8:14
Caution has flooded me. I've seen a glimpse of destruction and can feel evil works twisting their way through my mind. I have questions and confusion, but I pray that I will always seek wisdom and strength in the Lord. The beginning and essence of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. There is a deep darkness in the pitfalls of living a fool's life. My heart may break with sadness and confusion, but I have faith knowing that the God I serve is omnipresent. He will never leave or forsake us.
In my anger
In my hatred for evil in the world
In my broken heart
In my confusion
In my anxious mind
And in my desperation I cannot lose heart. The Lord is my confidence.
My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
Psalm 73:26
