If you opened the link to this post, you’re probably interested in knowing how the World Race changed my life. But, to be honest, I don’t really have the words to describe it. It’s almost like trying to summarize a really great book. You can hit the high notes, but even then it doesn’t even give but a glimpse into what really happened.
There are moments that are so near and dear to my heart that there’s no way I could ever forget them. Some big moments like having the whole squad pray and worship for hours upon hours while believing and fighting for freedom for our teammate. Some small moments like finding a jar of peanut butter at the grocery store and jumping for joy because you ran out 3 months ago. Some moments were major movements of God like seeing a classroom full of Cambodian students raising their hands to accept Christ as their Savior. While other moments had no spiritual significance, like dancing in the hotel room in your underwear drinking a glass of wine listening to Teenage Dream.
So here are my high notes. These are the major themes of what the World Race was for me. This is my summary of #AlexsAsianInvasion.
I had to learn how to be vulnerable with people. I had always kept my feelings to myself because I had been afraid of what people might think. After just one month of the race, our squad was all together for a night of worship. I remember my heart was pounding, my hands were sweating, and I started crying because I knew the Holy Spirit was prompting me to share something with everybody. As I got up in front of everyone, I told my squad my biggest fear of the Race which was that I was afraid of getting close to the men on my squad due to past hurts. Once I finished pouring my heart out to my squad, I went to the back of the room and prayed. Once the worship was over, my squad mate, Matt, approached me and told me that he was willing to help me learn how to have a good relationship with men and that he was going to fight for our friendship. It was my first step of vulnerability and it was freeing while terrifying at the same time. But to see that there was a person who was telling me, to my face, that I was worth fighting for meant everything to me. And with a lot of refining throughout those 11 months, I was able to get to a place where I felt I had a good relationship with the guys. They became my brothers. Men who would look out for me, protect me, laugh with me, cry with me, pray for me… I was healed from wounds that I had learned to cope with my entire life.
I learned to love me for how God created me. Words that people have always used to describe me is loud, outgoing, outspoken, and strong. I had been told a few times in the past that a strong and outspoken woman is not a good woman to be because it’s intimidating to men. So because of that, I had always been very insecure with who I was. Starting in month 2, the Lord really started to point things out in me and try to get me to embrace who I was. I wasn’t comfortable with who I was, so I would ignore it. Then month 3 comes and the Lord is really really pressing things on me and made it clear that I make it very hard for Him to love me. So after hearing that, I decided that I needed to figure out what I do that makes it so hard. What it was, was that because I didn’t truly love myself and how I was created, I couldn’t give and receive love to the Creator. A word that was spoken over me in month 4 was “radiant” and that became a key word for the rest of the year (even now, 4 months after I’ve been home and I still hear it, see it and have had it spoken over me). God was telling me how I am radiant, and that there is so much purpose in how He created me to be. The Lord wanted me to accept that I was loud and strong and outspoken because He gave me a voice that was meant to be heard; a voice that was meant to share the Gospel. Once I accepted how I was created, I was able to freely be myself and truly thrive. But something even better than that, is by first loving myself, I am letting God love me.
I learned how to receive grace. I’m really hard on myself. I strive for perfection in everything I do. I’m a hard worker and I want to be the best at what I do. So when I fail or miss opportunities, I take it very hard. I messed up a lot on the Race. Yes, it’s a mission trip and I’m supposed to be super spiritual and read my Bible everyday and never cuss and never have a bad day and be super excited about ministry and be super patient with others, right? Well, life happens. This was my norm for 11 months, and I messed up. I missed opportunities to pray for people because I was tired and just wanted to get home and go to sleep. I operated out of my flesh with anger and passive aggressiveness rather than fighting to operate out of the Spirit when I was uncomfortable. I said things out of anger instead of love. At times, I was a person that I didn’t like, so I retreated. I wanted to hide myself away from everyone because I felt that I had failed as a person. But my community didn’t want me to stay in that pit so they called me out on my behavior and my tone. They sharpened me and helped me be aware of my weaknesses. They showed me that they loved me regardless of how I was acting and showed me grace over and over and over again. They were true examples of the grace that God gives to us.
Without the World Race, it’s possible that I wouldn’t have learned these things. Or I may have, who really knows. The World Race felt like a pressure cooker that never stopped. If it wasn’t one thing it was another. And I really have come home changed. The way I think is different. The way I confront people is different. The way I express myself is different. The way I love is different. The way I live is different. Multiple people have made comments about how different I am now. They say things like, “the type of year you had traveling really did a work on you!”.
To some degree, yes, traveling and seeing other areas of the world can make an impact on you. But ultimately, it was God. God changed my life, not the World Race. Even if there was an ounce of selfish intent to do something as crazy as the World Race, it was something that God had planned for me. God took me on this trip with Him and it’s a trip I’ll never forget.
