Before you read this article or even the next sentence, wait & count 40 seconds to yourself…
Okay, between the time you finished reading the last sentence and when you finished counting those 40 seconds, someone in the world just took their own life and committed suicide. And in another 40 seconds, someone else will tragically and unfortunately do the same thing.
I think to myself, “This shouldn’t happen to anyone!”
I also think, “No one should ever hate themselves so much that they want to take their own life! No one should hate themselves period!”, but the unfortunate fact of the matter is it still happens.
I then ask myself a simple yet powerful question of “why?”
This human being who just committed suicide must have not had family or friends that loved them, right? This human being probably made too many mistakes and never did anything correct. Maybe this human being never accomplished anything in life in their eyes.
Sure, this is a possibility, but what if this wasn’t true? What if this person seemed to “have it all” as our society would label it and still took their own life? You see the scary thing is both scenarios happen every day.
Depression favors no one!
The last question I ask myself is, “If these children of God are taking their own lives, then why aren’t we doing something about it or at the very least talking about?!”
Mental health in my opinion is something that seems to get swept under a rug in our social media world we live in.
As soon as there’s a conversation about Trump vs Clinton, we immediately want to jump in to offer our two cents about how awful one candidate is because we feel to insecure about the person we’d vote for ourselves. Or as soon as a backup quarterback in the NFL decides to not stand up during the national anthem, we want to say our opinion about how awful of a person he is.
Now I’m not saying these aren’t important topics, but the second someone begins to talk about “suicide”, we become uncomfortable and try to switch the subject because we don’t want to talk about something dark or negative?
Dark or negative? Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t we talk about negative things we see on the news all the time so why is this any different?
I believe that this needs to change immediately because suicide isn’t a dark conversation when the intention is spreading light on the situation.
Let me tell you a true story…
There was this boy who grew up in a Christian home his entire life with loving parents and older sisters who would do just about anything to support their little brother. He had countless amounts of friends who he would play with on the weekends and had his back no matter what. He was loved unconditionally by everyone God placed in his life.
He was gifted with athleticism and played any sport with a ball that was round. There was hardly any break during the year because he would play soccer in the fall, basketball in the winter, baseball in the spring, and golf during the summer, but all of this wasn’t forced on his life. He packed his schedule with sports because he loved sports with a burning passion, more than anything in life.
He was gifted in school and did well academically in the public school setting, but he struggled at times because he had A.D.D.
All of these characteristics put together and you’d say that he had the perfect childhood. But in actuality there was something that seemed to be a little off at times and he couldn’t really figure out what it was. Even though he had it all, there seemed to be this depression that would loom over him.
By the time he got to high school, he had switched schools from the local public school to one of the biggest private high schools notorious for their state wide & nationally competitive athletics and difficult college prep academics.
His goals were set high, to accomplish a lot at the high school to get into any college he wanted to academically and hopefully somewhere in the process receive an athletic scholarship.
Soon though, not even halfway through his freshmen year of high school he fractured his vertebrae. He was left with doctors telling him the odds are against him and you most likely won’t be able to play competitive golf or competitive sports as a whole again.
Here was his one huge passion and one thing he was good at that was getting taken away. He questioned God and felt the need to put the blame on him, when in actuality it wasn’t God’s fault at all. He was just looking for someone or something to blame for the hand that he was dealt.
Turns out he beat the odds and was able to successfully and fully recover from major back surgery! Only problem was he couldn’t play golf to the best of his abilities like he used too and it felt like torture to him. He was able to do well in a tournament or two, but he couldn’t find consistency.
Here he was getting fully healed from major back surgery – but he couldn’t play the sport he loved the most as well anymore. Asking the question, “what’s the point of me getting healed if I can’t play the sport I love, well”, he’d say.
Meanwhile, academics started to become very difficult for him and he began to struggle keeping up with the workload.
He began to gain weight to a point where he weighed over 250 pounds.
All together, his self-esteem took a big hit and he didn’t like who he was. In fact, he actuality hated himself for his appearance and his lack of performance in the classroom and on the golf course.
If there was one word to describe it all, it would be HOPELESSNESS.
Even though he had amazing friends and family who would do anything for him and loved him more than anything in this world, he was blinded by satan. He had so much ambition in life towards academics/athletics and tried to impress so many people in his life that he forgot to love himself. His value was placed in success for other people’s approval.
He thought to himself, “my worth is only in my performance and if I can’t perform well in the classroom or golf course, then I have no purpose in life.” He believed the lie that the enemy kept telling him.
The scary thing is once the thought of “no purpose” enters the brain and heart, then that’s when suicide begins to creep into your mind because you think by ending it all that it’ll take the pain away.
The problem was he didn’t know how to take his own life. He hated the thought of leaving the world that he once knew. He didn’t feel comfortable taking his own life and leaving the people who cared for him so much with nothing, but pure destruction and carnage.
But he also, didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin or in his own mind…
He was stuck between a rock and a hard place because he didn’t want to cause so much hurt and pain if he left this world by his own hands, but he also couldn’t bare the worthlessness that the enemy had built up in his heart.
He then became very honest with God and said, “God I don’t want to do this anymore, so you better give me a good reason to stay here on this earth because I’m tired. I’m tired of living everyday just to survive. I’m tired of waking up and struggling through the day because I hate myself. Please show me a reason to love myself.”
He never heard from God audibly and he didn’t have a moment where lights shined and angels came down from heaven kind of moment. But over the course of many months afterwards, he had peace in his heart about who he was as a human being and a child of God!
He woke up every day loving the fact he got to see the sun rise. He loved being able to enjoy the company of his friends everyday at school and on the golf course. He loved feeling the love of his parents everyday. All of this, because he loved who he was and who God created him to be.
This teenager, now adult, who struggled so much with loving himself was ME
I had the thought of committing suicide many, many times through the middle years of high school, but I could never pull myself together to do it. I testify this all to God because He had other plans for me to succeed in life for His Kingdom.
You see, I thought that by performing well for my parents, sisters and friends in all areas of my life would bring them satisfaction and in return provide happiness for me. I had the mentality of being the baby child of the family.
Being the fourth of four children, I saw my older sisters as amazing women & role models (and they are). I saw their successes in their lives from being married, running marathons, graduating with different degrees in college, etc. I saw the standards set and listened to the lie the enemy placed in my head of me having to not just match my sister’s successes, but exceed them too.
My sisters never pushed me to do anything in life, they only loved me unconditionally, but it’s the little voice from the enemy saying “you’re not good enough” that I believed instead.
I tried to do my best in athletics to impress my friends and my parents even though I was already accepted by both parties. I never did anything for myself. It wasn’t until God gave me peace in my heart about me loving myself that I felt comfortable in my own skin.
I never wanted any of my friends or family to know that I was drowning in my own misery because I didn’t want to freak them out. I was afraid they’d would push me away if I told them I was severely depressed, even though they would have done the exact opposite. They would’ve loved me and supported me because those were the kind of people I surrounded myself with in high school.
The enemy put another lie in my head that they wouldn’t understand me, so I buried my emotions and feelings inside myself. In burying my depression, it created a mask that I wore for a long time in high school.
This mask disguised myself and my emotions very well. This mask wore many different faces.
It showed the world that I was happy and content with my life. It showed laughter and excitement. But the one thing it didn’t show was the hurt, pain, and depression I was drowning in.
Masks don’t show warning signs because that’s the point of a mask, to cover up your true emotions.
Now, I’ve heard a few people over the years ask me, “Alex, are you still wearing that mask today?”
I respond the same way every time. I’m not wearing a mask today because optimism isn’t something I choose to force or fake into my life anymore, it’s something I believe in all my heart with Christ at the center of my happiness.
I don’t wear a mask, but I wear the full armor of God instead!
“Optimism is not a choice, it’s a belief” – August Burns Red
This quote is one of my favorites because it’s how God worked in my life during that dark time and how I continue to live today. God showed me that optimism truly isn’t a choice, but rather a belief.
Because you can only fake happiness for so long before pessimism and negativity take over. But if you truly incorporate optimism into your heart with the love of Christ, then the possibilities for your life are endless.
Are there days that I wake up and don’t want to do the task that I have ahead of me for that particular day? Yes, but I still love waking up everyday because it means I received another day from the good Lord.
I love the mornings now the most because of that reason. I love seeing the sun rise because there is a new opportunity to serve the God who loves me so much. That “me” that God loves so much is someone that I love also.
A new day means I get to hang out with people who love and care about me. A new day means I hopefully get to meet new people and share with them the love & grace that Christ has shown me over the years. A new day means continuing to say “yes” to life because life is the most precious gift that we can ever receive from our Father in correlation with being in fellowship with him.
I understand that not everyone’s life is the same and people go through many different hurts & pains, but the fact of the matter is depression still attacks the same way. It attacks our core of who we are.
Depression hurts and it suffocates even the most happiest of people. Depression drowns all that is good in life and with this I pray understanding, encouragement and the deepest of love on everyone.
You may not be battling depression at all and I thank the Lord that He has given you a clear and healthy mindset on life, but there are millions of people who battle depression every minute of their lives.
I encourage you all to love deep on everyone in your life. I pray that every time you text, talk or see someone from your family that you tell them how much you love them. I pray every time you see someone new on the street that you smile at them, pray for them silently, or say to them “hello” or “good morning” because you could be that one light of their day who showed them positive attention in their life.
You truly never know who is hurting because as I said before, depression favors no one. There isn’t a specific person that this darkness attacks and it can happen to what seems to be the happiest of people. So I encourage you to be the light in everyone’s life.
Don’t just ask the question, “how are you?” as a conversation starter. Ask it with full intention or listening to the other person and actually care about how the other person is doing because believe it or not, human beings love to be heard and understood.
I encourage all of you to have the hard conversations about life. If someone isn’t doing “good”, the typical response after “how are you?”. Ask “why?” they aren’t doing well and be the light in their lives. I encourage you to love strong, love deep, and love wide.
People struggle with depression & people commit suicide every day. I want you to know that YOU CAN NOT BE REPLACED! For you are like a match that has been lit…
You are a light in the world for a period of time until the flame goes out. Once that flame goes out, you can’t re-use that same match again.
Your life is so precious and it’s worth more than you’ll ever know. God has an amazing plan for your life and He designed you specifically to be an integral part of His Kingdom and to be happy in it. You are a piece of His giant puzzle and if you take your own life, then there will always be a part of the puzzle that is missing.
I encourage you not just to survive, but thrive because life does get better. Don’t just hold on, but grab hold of life and take control of it! It may not seem like it at the time, but life truly gets better once the wilderness passes in your life.
I never thought my life would get better when I was battling depression and suicidal thoughts, but God showed me otherwise. I thought my life was a broken record and He opened my eyes and provided me with so much blessing.
I never thought that I’d obtain my high school & college degrees. I never thought I’d walk onto a top 5 division III golf program. I never thought I’d get to work at some of the prestigious golf facilities in the world. I never thought I’d travel through the 10/40 window making a full lap around the world being a missionary. I never thought I’d have the family & friends I have right now. I never thought I’d have a fellowship with Christ.
All of this wasn’t just because I chose life, but rather the greater reason being because God never let go of me. He knew He could still use me for His glory.
Nothing I have accomplished was anything I did on my own. It has been all the Lord’s doing and I’ve just been along for the ride. I give all of the glory to Him because without Him I am nothing and He held onto me.
(Quote from Amity Affliction: Don’t Lean On Me)
Last thing I’d like to say is in regards to the idea of “weakness”.
If you are depressed and you have had suicidal thoughts stir inside your mind, there is grace in that because there is power in weakness.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
You being depressed doesn’t make you weak, but it actually makes you strong. It takes courage and strength to be able to tell others that you are weak, but that doesn’t make you weak.
For when we are weak and when we have nothing to rely on, we turn to God because there is nothing of this world that can truly satisfy us but His love. When we rely fully on God when we are weak, we in return become stronger than before.
So I encourage you to be vulnerable with yourself and with others around you because there is strength in that.
I encourage you to put on the full armor of God because the devil wants to try and come after us with everything he’s got. He wants to put lies into our head that we aren’t good enough and he’ll come after us with weapons like depression and suicide, but he will NEVER win if we are wearing the full armor of God.
When we are wearing the full armor, we can not be touched and we can not be pierced because we belong to Him.
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” – Ephesians 6:11-17
God wants a relationship with all of you and He wants to use all of you to the fullest of your abilities that He himself gave you. I pray that you stay here on this earth not for your parents, not for your siblings or even your friends, but stay here for YOU!
I pray that you love yourself before you love others because how will you love others if you don’t love yourself? God loves you and He has a plan for your life. Grab hold on your life and take control of it!
If you kill yourself then you will take your dreams and talents to the grave with you. Your talents & dreams are what will make this a great world to live in. Instead, bury the thoughts of suicide and stay here with me to make the world a more beautiful place with you in it.
It’s time to not be silent anymore! It’s time for our generation to stand up and speak out about mental health because one friend and truly save a life. And that one life can help change a generation and the world for the better!
If you ever feel alone, pray to the Lord because He is always with you. In addition, I may not be able to be with you physically speaking but I’m always here for you if you are struggling with life and I would love to talk to you via in person, messenger, email, etc. All of this because I understand you! Just know you’re not alone & you’re loved by so many people.
Suicide, it needs to be talked about!
“Wave goodbye to the past, you’ve got your whole life to lead!” – August Burns Red
GOD BLESS
