One major lesson my team is learning is that no matter how
many of your rights you give up there is always more to surrender. Uganda and
specifically the Gulu area is as different from Kenya as light is from
darkness. From the minute we arrived tired, thirsty, and dirty I have had
trouble finding the joy that was constant in Kenya. This area sucks it right
out of you. We have had to fight (PRAY) for our joy; it doesn’t just come out
of the overflow of our pure hearts. The area I most notice the battle is in
regards to the children. These children look absolutely decrepit. They all have
bloated bellies, scabbed dirty faces, and tattered clothes. Their state is
simply heartbreaking. These are the “least of these” the ones we pray daily
that we can impact with Christ’s love. Daily, I stand in front of 90 kids and
teach them all kinds of fun songs and then play games with them… but when VBS
time is over I adopt the, “leave me alone” attitude, and they don’t. All morning,
day, and night they will bang on our windows, scream for us to give them
something, stare at us…give us zero personal space. The adults aren’t any
different, at any moment day or night you can expect to see a stranger walking
towards us wanting to hang out. I sound like a terrible person! Well I am. Trying
to figure out the boundary line is causing me such grief. Where is my love?
I broke down on our first walk through the IDP camp. We were
invited into a hut to pray for a baby that was dying of Malaria. While I held
her still body in my arms whispering life into her, my tears overflowed. There is
so little hope in this place; you can feel the emptiness thick in the air. Throughout
the camp with maybe 100 kids following us, I thought I was going to choke
and/or vomit at the desperate state of these people. It is overwhelming.
I can’t fully describe this place so you can understand what
we see and feel. I want to mean it when I smile at the people. I want to give
them Christ’s love not my own flawed human love, but the exhaustion is ever
present. It has never been more necessary to adopt the dying to self, concept.
I hope I rise to the challenge. What a waste if I don’t. As it stands I am in
need of a lot of prayer.
