This is a test

I haven’t been in school in about 15 months. How wild is that? No homework. No papers. No tests. Well, actually… about that last one.

 As I mentioned in my last blog I spent several days in Kampala with team Shiloh earlier this month. I had several conversations while I was there about challenge. My squad leader/biggest fan Aly Beeler asked me how I was doing the first night and I told her good, but I
didn’t feel super challenged. We talked about what making your own
challenge looks like. Then I had a similar conversation with Heather about how I really wanted to have to live by faith – to
have no choice but to rely on God. I had another conversation with Courtney about how ministry had been
pretty easy so far, and I looked at teams like her’s who is working with
a church where spiritual warfare is a big issue and I sometimes want
that. I want difficulty and challenge. This trip is only 11 months long. Sometimes that seems like forever, but I still want to squeeze as much growth out of it as I can.

So I get back to Gulu
and really feel something stirring inside of me. I can’t really
describe it in any other way than I just feel there’s something big
inside of me waiting to break out. Why I didn’t see a test coming I’m not really sure. I had told people I wanted to have to live by faith.  I told people I wanted challenge. I was sensing big things in my life.  Finally the morning I got sick I had read some passages about how God allows us to be tested, and I had just shared this verse in morning prayer which I shared in my last blog: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 2 Thes 5:16

What better time for a test? See if I’d apply and live what I just read, and you know what? I did.  I was able to be joyful always and give thanks even while my temperature climbed near 104. I remember the verses I just shared that morning and decide to be
joyful, give thanks and pray. It’s a test and I’m going to pass it. So I
lay in my hammock, turn on the Ipod and just sing worship songs. My temperature climbs, I sing and thank some more. Our
contact comes in later that night after the malaria test has come back
negative and said she really thinks it might be spiritual – that there’s
a lot of witchcraft in the area and they deal with a lot of warfare.
Well, be careful what you ask for right? Fear starts to show it’s face –
is this going to be a regular occurrence when I’m making big strides
with the Lord? Does it matter if it is? I recognize it and with the help
of a lot of prayer here, it’s gone pretty quickly. No place for that
here. Perfect love drives out fear runs through my head a lot  Also, what an incredible way of showing how God’s changed me on this trip. Pre-World Race Alex would have done none of that.

So basically I persevered, but I never really thought of that word until a couple of nights later when I had a vision of a huge ship with the name Perseverance on the side.  Does it apply to me? My team? The squad? I think the answer is yes, yes and yes. I led morning prayer again that morning and awoke early (I’m old, remember) and started to look for verses to go with my vision.

So it’s obvious these verses applied to me, but God’s been showing me there’s more to them. They’re not going away. I e-mailed them to Aly since I got them after praying over a passage she had shared with the squad. Somehow while typing out the verses I made a typo and made a cross symbol in the middle of the verse. Couldn’t do it again if I tried, but there was a big ol’ † typed on the screen, and I sent it just like that. (I copied and pasted that cross from the e-mail because I still have no clue to do it.)

Then the next day I get an e-mail from Garrett, my fellow team leader, BFF, and occasional tent mate. He had just felt the Lord put me on his heart, and He gave Garrett some verses for me. Keep in mind Garrett didn’t know I was sick when the Lord put me on his heart. He found out basically after I had recovered. He gives me two verses saying he doesn’t normally do this, but the tug was so strong he simply had to obey.  Both verses were on – you guessed it – perseverance!  One was 2 Thessalonians 1:5 – We boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecution and trials you are enduring.  All this is evidence that God’s judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. The other was sure enough James 1:2-4.

Finally, a day or so later I pull out the daily devotional my youth pastor from home gave me. In all honesty, I hadn’t pulled it out in a few weeks, but I just felt the tug to do so that morning. I promise I’m not lying when I tell you the passage for the day was James 1:2-4. So it’s obvious this is an important passage for me, but what does it all mean?

I think it gives purpose and encouragement to the trials I have already faced and puts me in the right mindset to face future tests. I’m certain now I have more ahead, but I’m ready to persevere – to become complete, to receive the crown. My old squad leader Jacob wrote us all notes before he headed back home after month 4 and in mine he said I have to keep pushing and asking for more. It’s going to be exhausting, but it’s going to be glorious. It’s about my will. How bad do I want it? In his words, supes bad. Do you want it that bad?

David actually prays to God to be tested, and I’m desiring the same thing. I want to be complete. I want to be mature. I want to be refined. I want to be able to say what Job said: But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as
pure as gold.

The World Race is full of challenges and tests, but I’m determined to persevere. I want the prize!! It’s month 5, and I’m more confident each day I’m a new person – the trials let me see that. I can’t see how I’ve changed in dealing with challenges until I experience new ones. I’m responding to them differently now than I did before the Race or even differently than just a month or two ago. I don’t respond with fear. I don’t respond with anxiety. I don’t respond with worry. I don’t respond by becoming overwhelmed. Instead I respond with joy. I respond with thanks. I respond with PERSEVERANCE. I love and embrace tests like these. They glorify God, they strengthen me and I don’t need a calculator or #2 pencil.