*If you haven’t read part 1 yet, scroll down or click here:http://tinyurl.com/3ygd4z5 and check it out first. It’ll probably make a little more sense. Well as much sense as this weekend could make.*
The
start of day 2 was a blast – from the New Year’s horn. Jonathan and I awoke and
scurried from our tents to see how we’d earn today’s food. How, you ask? By
repeatedly running up a large hill/small cliff and retrieving each food item
one by one. People were falling left and right, but luckily every body survived
with no broken bones: just swelling and bruising. Due to some confusion (aka nobody knew
which bag was their team’s) my team suffered a controversial defeat. This
wouldn’t be the only one either. When we were earning our dinner later that
night, we were to swim out to a box under water and retrieve coins and marbles
from inside it. I stored about 4 coins in my pocket, which is apparently
illegal since I was immediately reprimanded in front of the entire camp, and
had nearly half of my 20 coins taken as a penalty. Awesome! Despite the team’s
loss we were still able to acquire some crackers and potatoes for dinner making
it 5 consecutive meals of potatoes and/or ramen. Some meals the children had
cans of a fish. No, not cans of fish. Cans of a fish. As in each can contained
a fish in its entirety – spine, eyes and all. Like a good tribe mate should, I
let the children eat those all by themselves.
That
afternoon I discover why we’d been lacking the one key Survivor element of
voting people off. Apparently each loss you suffered, the team could vote someone
out or choose to pay for them in some manner which wasn’t announced. Every team
a tribe lost they had chosen to pay for their teammates and now it was time to
pay up by having to earn 5 grievna for each loss by being driven to the nearest
village and street performing. No, for real – they even provided things like
flutes and tambourines. Luckily, they only had so much van space and I wasn’t
selected by my team to go, but much credit to Kirsten and Jonathan for toughing
it out. Luckily, we even earned enough extra to get bread and butter for dinner
that night (a feast!!)
The
most absurd part of day 2 however took place in the other afternoon
challenge. The American population
of my team, inspired by losing the controversial cliff challenge that morning and
the dozen eggs that came with it, were super dedicated to victory. More
inspiration came when I was pretty sure I overheard the words Coca-Cola. There were keys scattered about an area
and the first team to find the one key that unlocked a treasure chest won its
contents. We came out intent on finding it, and find it we did very quickly. We
unlocked the chest to find it full of…dollar store type trinkets. In the words
of Jeff Probst – “Worth playing for?â€� In the words of Alex Cole – “No.â€� Oh but
wait, it gets better! This was the only game all weekend with a consolation
prize. The consolation prize – a garbage bag with two 2-liters of Coca-Cola.
Yes, that’s right – double the reward we had for winning the earlier challenge.
I wish I had a picture of our faces when we discovered what had happened. I was
so upset that I just had to laugh, and I still am. All was not lost though. The
winner’s let me have a swig of Coke, and I was able to plunder a shark bottle
opener, a deck of cards and a Bart Simpson notepad from the treasure chest.
Would have preferred a Snickers bar, but no complaints.
Oh I also found some red, white and blue balloons and constructed a makeshift flag to celebrate July 4th.
We
had one final challenge Sunday morning before leaving. A whistle awakened us at
6 a.m. (Ira had sadly misplaced her New Year’s horn.) We were given a map and
told it was our first clue to finding a tribe mate that had been taken
somewhere. We follow the map to find a cell phone and number to call. The
children direct us to run with them toward the gigantic vineyard above our
camp. Once there, we stare at them while repeatedly asking what’s going on for
at least 5 minutes. Finally, we gather that we are to find our lost child in
the vineyard by repeatedly dialing the phone and listening for the ring tone. (We’ve
temporarily left Survivor and entered the Amazing Race, another life dream.)
Anyway, off we go hoping to gain victory and some delicious food, and by we I
mean my 3 American teammates and I. The children all stand in a circle watching
one girl dial while we traipse about in mud up to our ankles.
After
splitting up and running all over the place I glimpse some movement and run
down a row to find the ot
her team’s child being held captive by none other than
our favorite character Maxime aka Ukraimer finally seen here in photo form . (Great Ukraimer moment from the
night before: We played a game called brides and grooms where girls sitting
down try to get up and escape before the guy behind them can grab them.
Awkward? Most def. Anyway, Ukraimer loses his first girl and proceeds to lie on
the ground and sprinkle dirt on his head. Then while pantomiming tearing his
clothes, he elbows a small girl in the face. Please remember he’s a preacher.
He’s a wonderful person but still – this is a priceless laugh.) Ok, back
in the vineyard. He begins to congratulate me on winning, and they start coming
toward me. I actually get to use my Russian and say no and not my team
repeatedly all while wildly gesticulating to them both to stay. After about 30
seconds they get the point and I run away. The other team isn’t even in sight
so I yell to my teammates that I found the other team to let them know we’re on
the right track and what they should look for. In this yelling, it’s
communicated to us we should bring the wrong team’s child back anyways, so
Kirsten and I return to Ukraimer and try to tell him to come with me. Of course
now he repeatedly says to me not your team and refuses to come. We go back to
Ira and tell her Ukraimer won’t bring our child and she says we should keep
trying. Then in the next breath she tells us that we should be trying to find
our child and if we bring back the wrong one the other team wins. Miraculously
my head doesn’t pop off in an explosion of steam, and I run back into the
vineyard. Praise Jesus in less than 5 minutes I find my own kid and return him
for victory. The grand prize? 500 points. I can’t make this stuff up. All I
could think of was Who’s Line Is It Anyway? – where the points don’t matter.
So
with that final challenge completed we eat our breakfast of potatoes and pack
up camp. The last thing we do before we leave is discover that my tribe won,
and we will now all vote for an individual winner from our tribe. Sadly, due to
the language barrier I wasn’t able to form any tight alliances or perform any
blindsides and one of the Ukrainian girls wins. She was our tribe captain and
we didn’t really know much so the majority of us Americans voted for her. We find
out later she actually had a pretty poor attitude and complained all the time.
One time a staffer (who ate much better and more regularly than we did) asked
her how she was doing and she responded with ‘Go eat your cookies’. So despite
not exactly mastering the social game she used the language barrier to dupe us
all. Most shocking part – there’s a cash prize. This teenage girl won 300 grivna
which is nearly $40. Sadly, we had no idea or we would have formed a powerful
American alliance and spent our winnings on Nutella and ice cream.
So
there you have it. My Extreme Survivor experience: Ukraine style. I knew when I
signed up for the World Race I’d experience some crazy things, but never
expected this. We did actually get to talk to the kids about our faith and love
of Christ around the campfires at night with the help of a translator, so there
was some ministry work done. For sure, the memories and stories made it a
weekend I’ll never forget. And of
course the experience I gained will be invaluable when I play real American Survivor.
And
with 2,500 words that will be enough. The blog has spoken.
