*I wrote this as one
blog, but it’s so big I’m splitting it into two for posting purposes. Part 2 is already written so if you’re on a roll just keep reading.*
This weekend we finally had “extreme fishing camp�. We actually
knew this was coming for about two weeks which is a luxury here, but we had no
clue what exactly this entailed just we’d be in tents by a beach (but no
information is taken as fact around here). Well, shortly after arrival I discover extreme camp is going
to be Survivor. The people we’d done gypsy ministry with were in charge, and we
would be taking part with the kids. There was no Jeff Probst, but there was a
Ukrainian woman named Ira who announced the beginning of each activity with a
horn you’d use at a New Year’s party. If you know me, you likely know of my
infatuation with Survivor. I’ve never missed an episode, and it’s a life long
dream to be on it, so despite the fact this Survivor would be in Russian and my
teammates would be mostly composed of Ukrainian teenagers I was excited. While
we had tribes, competed in challenges to keep our team mates and for rewards,
had to make fire to eat our limited food over and I even wore a stylish buff
around my head the majority of the weekend there were definitely some
differences between this Survivor and the one I catch on CBS.
First
of all, I don’t think Survivor participants double as staff before the other
people get there. Carrie, Jonathan
and I woke up super early (I’d say the break of dawn but that seriously comes
about 4:15 here so I was still an hour off from that) because we were told we
were leaving at 6:00 to help set up. Instead we of course left at 7:45. At
least I enjoyed a 2nd breakfast and Jonathan wrote a full blog while
we waited. Upon arrival, we had to drag all our possessions through a drainage
ditch despite an easy path to the side, and by all our possessions I mean every
supply and food product we used in our 2 ½ days there. Then Ira, who knows just enough English
to feel a translator isn’t necessary, told us to come with her and to bring a
shovel. We asked if we were
digging a bathroom hole and they appeared to agree with this. We walk a good quarter mile away which
seemed odd, and at least 3 times Jonathan stopped at good latrine locations and
used the Russian word for poop while charading the action of pooping, but she
kept saying no. We finally got to
our destination in the middle of an open field, and she digs four small holes
forming a square. Ok, it’s officially weird now. I’m craving the extreme toilet
from the village with its 3 walls and door quite a bit right now. We keep
saying bathroom and she agrees, but we finally somehow decipher she actually
wants us to weed the entire area and dig up the ground to form a mud bath, not
bathroom. Oh, of course because what camp is complete without a mud bath? She
says it’s for the children and then very ominously states: “You will take this
bath too�, and walks away. We spend the next couple of hours there digging and
waiting for everyone’s arrival.
Me weeding the mud pit area and looking quite stylish while doing so.
When
we get back to camp we discover everyone is there, and they have confiscated
all of the children’s luxury items. We also discover luxury is defined slightly
differently in Ukraine since this also includes water bottles. It’s also time
for the first competition which I’ve seen variations of multiple times on
Survivor. The tribes are divided into girls and boys except the boys get Carrie
to have even numbers. (Don’t worry. Later when I said Carrie was a great guy,
Ira very seriously states to us Carrie, you were always a girl. You were just
on boy tribe. So glad we got that confusion straightened out.) We tie sticks together
to grab a key a long way away and after we get the key we hop to unlock a box.
Why do we hop you ask – because our legs are bound together. Once again, the
accuracy of training camp is eerie. At least I had full use of both eyes and my
arms, but I still give partial credit to Sean for my tribe’s success. We unlock
the box, which of course contains a large sharp knife that the children fight
for to cut our feet loose, and we then swim into the ocean (thankfully not
carrying logs over our heads, training hasn’t been that accurate) to find a
large water bottle on the ocean floor. Victory for our tribe and now everyone
is allowed to drink.
Shortly
after this we play another game where we have to hold bags of food in our mouth
while crawling through none other than our gorgeous mud pit. Victory again! Our
spoils – a 2-liter Coke. Keep this in mind for later. We won and got a 2-liter
Coke. Remember? Ok, moving on.
Koinonia, minus Mary who got to be an adult, after the mud game.
That’s
basically it for day one. We had one more Survivor type moment and had a tribe
switch that night. I have no clue how it happened (which was a general theme)
since I haven’t mastered the chapter in my Russian for Dummies book on primitive
tribal life vocabulary. PS they didn’t translate for us during the games.
Forgot that fun fact. Never recall Jeff Probst speaking in Russian. Anyways, we
lose several boys but add Kirsten to our tribe and are told to pick a tribe
name and paint ourselves our team colors. Luckily for our new team, Team Extreme,
Kirsten is a professional face painter so we were looking super sharp. We
concluded the day around the campfire (several small candles) by talking about
relationships which is super ironic since we’re not allowed to start those any
time soon. (Alex, what’s your ideal girl? Funny, pretty, likes Zaxbys, the
Crimson Tide, walking on the beach and existing 10 ½ months in the future.)
Then off to bed on my inflatable sleeping pad – not exactly Survivor-like but
neither is the lack of a $1 million check.
Next time on..Survivor: World Race style – one team suffers
a devastating victory, Ukraimer makes an unforgettable appearance and the
tribes vote on the ultimate Extreme Ukraine Survivor.
