“Waves of mercy, waves of grace.
Everywhere I look, I see your face.
Your love has captured me.
Oh my God, this love, how can it be?
Na na nanananana Na na nanananana
Na na nanananana Na na nanananana”
Take a wild guess as to how many times I’ve sang that song in the nursery here at the orphanage we sleep at. Just guess. If I had to take an educated guess, I think it’d be in 300’s and that is the honest truth.
As soon as the little toddlers see my face at the door, all I hear is, “TITA! NA NA SONG! TITA ALEX NA NA SONG!”
And don’t even get me started on the motions. Heaven forbid I don’t do all the ocean waving (even if I’m holding a baby or even trying to feed a baby) big enough so the toddlers can follow along.
As soon as I sit on the couch, one of the little rascals will climb on up, straddle my lap, and look into my soul with their huge, three year old eyes, expectant. And how can you refuse that? Let me answer: You can’t.
So I sing “The Na Na Song”. And I sing it again. And again. And even though that song might be stuck in my head for the rest of my life, I’ll sing it every single time a little tyke asks me to.
That was the after. Now let me tell you the before…
Annoyed and frustrated because the three year old won’t stop climbing on me, the two year old just peed himself in the corner again, the other toddlers run over to play in it (“NO! STOP! OH MY GOSH THAT’S NOT WATER!”), and the little baby you’re holding will sob unless you’re holding him in just the right spot on your side and standing up. Can’t forget the standing up part.
Needless to say, my team’s main ministry was getting old real fast. After weeks of dreading my nursery shifts, I decided I needed a major attitude adjustment. So one afternoon I paused outside the door to the nursery, sat down on the stairs, bowed my head, and prayed. I prayed that God would change my heart for these kids that I was so frustrated with.
And, slowly, the realizations began to pour into my head and my heart began to break for these precious kiddos.
The nursery at the Children’s Home is stuffed to the brim with seven babies under the age of one and ten toddlers between one and four. One boy has autism, three toddlers aren’t potty trained, most of the babies are only a few months old and need a lot of attention, the space that these seventeen human beings live in is cramped so these kids are constantly sick, and toddlers will always be toddlers (“R*, DON’T CLIMB ON THAT!” “J, PLEASE DO NOT HIT C!” “B, GIVE J BACK HER TOY!”) so our help is MORE than needed here.
Plus, these kids are orphans. As I’m feeding the only baby girl, who is barely four months old, and look into her new, innocent eyes, I realize she has already been through so incredibly much and her life has barely begun. Some of these kids were left on the orphanage’s doorsteps, while others were found completely abandoned and lost on the side of a road somewhere.
So, honestly, why should I care that I just stepped in pee because, well, three year old boys miss the toilet? Why should I care that Baby R just threw up on me for the second time that day and possibly stained one of the four t-shirts that I brought on this trip? Why should I care that I’m literally soaked from trying to give the five toddler boys showers because what little kid doesn’t like to splash?
I shouldn’t and I don’t because God has asked me to love on and help take care of these kids because they don’t have a forever family, yet, to do that.
Ministry isn’t always my favorite thing. I don’t always leave my ministry feeling filled up and satisfied with God’s presence. (Most of the time I leave the nursery feeling like I smell of stale cheerios and a hint of spit up.) But this is the ministry God has placed on my team and I will do it with all of my heart. Sometimes it’s hard work to love your ministry but it’s a choice. And God has a way of changing our hearts so they align closer to His, especially when we ask.
And the more I sang “The Na Na Song”, the more I realized that’s what God was doing to me- surrounding me in His grace and mercy so I could see Him in everything I do… Even cleaning a three year old’s pee.
*I used letters instead of the children’s names for their protection and safety. We are not supposed to write names or post pictures of the kids at the Children’s Home because it could endanger them.*
