My team and I decided to be “Women of the Word” in these nine months and want to be continually in the Word and actively discussing it as a team. Right now we’re reading John and here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately:
My journal entry from Saturday October 4th, 2014 (8:32 a.m.)
How often does God have to lower Himself for us? John 3:12 says, “I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe, how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?” and John 4:48 says, “’Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders,’ Jesus told him, ‘you will never believe.’” Plus, there’s the fact that Jesus actually had to make Himself human.
God is constantly lowering Himself to be on our level. It’s almost insulting to me but I don’t think it’s meant to be. I’m taking it as a pride thing but it’s like, ‘Who am I to think I’m good enough to be on the Lord of the Universe’s level?’ Of COURSE He has to lower Himself. He’s the Lord of the freaking Universe.
It’s actually a little amazing that the King of Kings, the King of EVERYTHING, loves me enough to lower Himself so that I can catch glimpses of understanding or snapshots of His love. Let’s be real, I couldn’t handle it all anyway. I couldn’t begin to comprehend if He gave me more than He does. My mind is too small and I’m so human.
It’s like when adults talk to 3 year olds: You have to be patient, use small words, explain things over and over, use hand motions and visuals, and keep their attention. Basically, we’re all three year olds and God is our loving Father who will never stop being patient with us, never stop trying to explain things to us no matter how long it takes us to get it- which for me, is usually a pretty long time.
Let’s face it: Humans suck. We’re called to be servants of God, fighting for His Kingdom and yet we all want that appreciation and recognition that we’re doing good things. Especially me, now that I’m a real life missionary. But the truth is, even though He loves us so insanely much, it’s not about us. Our “mission trip high” is not why we should do missions. Feeling useful and purposeful is not why I packed up my life for nine months in a backpack. I’m here to be His servant- whatever that looks like.
“He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30
It’s not about me.
Ever since I began telling everyone I was taking a gap year to go on a nine month mission trip, people began praising me. People told me how brave, courageous, awesome, Christ-like, and passionate I was for doing something like this. They were giving me His glory.
I started to believe it too. But honestly, I just said ‘Yes’ to God’s call in my life. That’s it. It might seem more adventurous and eccentric but that’s why it was His call for me. Saying yes doesn’t make me any better than someone else who said yes to God’s call to go to college. Mine just looks more exciting through social media. The problem with taking these compliments to heart is that I forgot why I came, why I said yes in the first place- to glorify Him and His Kingdom.
So when everyday wasn’t an exciting rush of people coming to Jesus and widows crying at how much I had helped them, I got a little disappointed. Felt a little useless, a little without purpose.
“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8
The Spirit will move when He sees fit and where He sees fit. It has nothing to do with what I want or what will bring me glory. I am simply a vessel.
Simply a servant.
I only have to be open and a willing to move if and when the Spirit does.
