If any of you read my previous blog, you know March was not easy for me.
During those few weeks, I prayed a desperate prayer. An audacious plea to The Lord for more. I read the words He said about me (‘like a lily among thorns’, ‘there is no flaw in you’, ‘how delightful is your love’, ‘you, my perfect one, are unique’) but my heart didn’t believe it. I begged Him to show me His heart, all of His beauty and goodness, so I’d believe the truth about me.
And He showed up. Or rather, He was already there. In Nicaragua. In Palacagüina. In my world, just waiting for me to find Him.
In the sunrise over the Nicaraguan hills. In the cold Pepsi after construction. In the chocolate cake with icing that tastes like marshmallow cream from the angel that is our Pastor’s wife, Damaris. In the quiet morning that I sat outside our home (church) and lifted my hands up as I whispered worship songs into the fresh, chilly air. In the hug from a teammate as I cried and spilled my heart. In a cold Snickers and a card game with great people. In the insane stars here every single night. In clean laundry. In a breeze that is so sudden and relieving. In the laughter and good conversations that are woven into my team over the dinner table. In having a two hour conversation with Pastor David in Spanish and understanding (almost) everything he said. In free wifi. In the prayers and passionate words spoken from squadmates during worship. In a productive construction day done well and with satisfaction. In the held back tears of David and Damaris when we told them we have the money they need for the kitchen. In every good and lovely moment. Even in the bad moments. He’s there and He’s trying to show off for us.
“A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?” Ecclesiastes 2:24-25
Simple as this: life is a gift. Every moment is meant to be God breathed and enjoyed. Even in construction. Even in leveling ground (which sucks and feels like you’re doing actually nothing useful). God made life to be treasured.
It’s clear throughout scripture that The Lord loves us and delights in us (Zephaniah 3:17) and wants to shower us with gifts and blessings and adoration but He also wants us to delight in Him. Why do you think the mountains were created or why sunsets are so beautiful every night? God surrounds us everyday with the gift of life and says, ‘I give you this day and I hope you love it.’
As I come to the end of this nine month journey, I’m able to look back and reflect on the moments that I felt God and the moments I just felt like I was going through the motions. Some days I would be serving outwardly but inwardly thinking, ‘This sucks, I wish I was taking a nap, I don’t wanna be here but I have to because The Lord told me to love others.’ That’s not The Kingdom. What God wants us to do, more than anything, is to humbly sit at his feet, stare into His beautiful face, and just sit in His loving, breathtaking presence. To just be with Him and love it. To look for, accept, and love the gifts of peace and joy and satisfaction that He wants to pour out onto us everyday. Then from a loving and generous manner- that only comes from the spirit- can we serve others in the way God intended.
Why don’t we talk about enjoying God more? We’re literally surrounded by the gift of His creation every single moment of our being and God is waiting for us to notice. We talk a lot about going and doing. Well, I went and did and I’m telling you God wants us to serve others but mostly, He wants us to love Him and delight in Him. And then from that place of overflow is where we can give to others what God wants to freely give us every single day.
