From as early on as I can remember I have identified myself as being an introvert. I find myself often alone, and enjoying it. Being in large crowds drained me and, often, gave me no small amount of anxiety. I had an extreme anxiety about meeting new people, and always appreciated being with one or two friends more then being with a crowd.
With these traits I deduced, as I assume anyone would, that I was an introvert, and why not? These traits are the very definition of introversion! This month, however, with some serious prompting of the Lord and the wisdom of my host, Hannah, I have learned something new about myself; I’m not an introvert at all. I am an extrovert.
How? With traits like mine who in there right mind would consider me an extrovert? I have simple explanation for you, and it all has to do with motive. I realized this month that my desire to be alone is not because I need time to process and recover from my day, as a true introvert would. My desire to be alone stems from fear and mistrust of people as a whole.
Yup. Fear. Fear has convinced me for the past 23 years of my life that I am something I am not. It has kept me at a distance from people and told me that I do better alone. It has told me that meeting new people is hard and that I am not good at the art of conversation. It has told me that I am better off using introversion as an excuse to avoid hard things.
In reality I am a loud, outgoing, people person who has a wide group of friends, and I am very comfortable in a crowd (and even desire being the center of attention sometimes!). I am good at having conversations, and I truly delight in meeting new people.That’s truth. When fear isn’t in my way that is who I am.
It’s taking time for me to adjust out of years of habits of introversion, but as I step into the truth of who God made me to be I see myself coming back to life. It feels like waking up. Introversion was my mask, my security blanket. I have now taken off that mask, because I want the world to see who I truly am.
My name is Caroline Fowler, and I’m an extrovert.
FUNDRAISING UPDATE: Alex and I are currently at $20,755! That is a huge number and it’s absolutely amazing! However, we were supposed to be at $26,000 at our last deadline in February, and we have our final deadline coming up at the end of April at which we are supposed to have raised $33,924. Please consider donating any amount to help us continue this journey. Thank you!
