||It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.|| Deuteronomy 3:18
Before coming on the race I found myself fearful of failure and not succeeding. I was afraid that if I didn’t see out my future plans that I had told everyone, that they would see me as a failure. I was fearful of saying yes to the race and going an entire year without any income. Fear of not living up to the ‘American Dream’ and being successful.
By committing to this 11 month trip, I put on hold all the goals of going to law school, passing the bar, and then working for a law firm. Our culture was feeding me the lies that success only comes from a job, money in your savings account, and a family with the white picket fence.
The Bible tells us that the devil comes to seek and destroy. I experienced this daily by the tormenting thoughts he placed in my head. He fed me lies about success and made me fearful of saying yes to the Lords plan for me. He made me feel unworthy, unqualified, and fearful.
I was so worried about disappointing those around me, and the lies that were being played over and over again in my mind didn’t help. I was racked with insecurities about myself. I listened to the lies that satan fed me, that I wasn’t good enough, compassionate enough, that I didn’t even like kids so why go, that I wasn’t physically fit enough, pretty enough, and that I was giving up my dream.
After 10 months on this journey with the Lord my view of success and failure has been changed. I’m no longer enslaved to the American Dream. I am free to live out the dream that God has for me. I know that the lies I believed at the beginning are just that, lies.
You see success, to me, is: having people describe me as freely giving, that I see people and don’t walk past the hurting, that I am someone who loves, and that I trust in the Lord all the days of my life.
Success isn’t about having all the coolest new gadgets or the prettiest clothes. It’s about living a life of selflessness.
I’m no longer trapped by the fear of failure and disappointing others. I know that wherever I end up next, that I will continue to see people and make sure that they feel heard and that their life matters. Because that, to me, is what my successful life will look like.
