As I sat there about to cut into my delicious banana chocolate chip crepes during my see ya later breakfast with my good friend Champ I began explaining to her all of the different realizations I have come to in the past weeks since training camp. One of the main ones being that I am on an all girls team.
I never really went into training camp with the thought of being on an all girls team, I just assumed that we'd all have guys on our team and that would be my sanity. I have always just clicked with guys. Guys are simple. They don't do drama. They are straight forward. They are really easy to read. Girls are usually not any of these things. I am not a fan of drama. I don't like being the super gushy lovey type of girl. I enjoy doing things behind the scenes, going out of my way in an attempt to do something extra for you and being completely honest (sometimes to the point I get in trouble). I have some close girl friends now that I love to death, would do anything in the world for and they all love me in spite of those things To be honest I know that I am not an easy person to love and because of that I tend to hold back everything. I continued to explain to her that I am aware of all of these things which is why guys would have made it easier. However, I'm pretty sure that God had an idea of His own in placing me on an all girls team. I went on to further explain that the fact I was going to be completely out of my element both in everything I knew and in being surrounded by girls would very much be my desert. That I would have to cling to God in the midst of everything. He had left me no choice.
Later that day I found myself sitting at the Women's Ministry dinner where DLynn began talking about how God calls us to our desert so that He can bless us with a vineyard. She explained that the desert is worth the pain and heartache because it allows us to have hope in Him knowing He will give us the vineyard. As I sat there my soul just started churning, knowing what was coming after just a few short days; what I would be setting out for, and by choice! What have I gotten myself into?!
But then she continued to read from Hosea 2:
15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.
I felt this sense of peace come over my soul and immediately knew that no matter how hard this next year is I have something to hope for every single day.
I may not find the right way to connect with the girls on my team every day, but it's worth the effort to at least try. I may not enjoy every waking moment of the race, but it's worth chasing after what He wants for me. I may not have the right heart/mind-set for ministry every day, but it's worth acknowledging it's not about me.
I can choose to see Him only for the desert or I can choose to hope in Him for the vineyard.
