Painimaquin. a home. my home.
The very first blog I wrote here in Guatemala I had said that I was going to write a blog about Panimaquin. Well I never did, and honestly I am really thankful that I didn’t… because I knew nothing about it. All I knew was that it was ministry and that It was where I would be four days a week. I didn’t know that it was going to become my resting place. My safe haven. I didn’t know it was going to become the place where I fell in love with the way dirt fills the air when playing soccer. Where I felt Jesus himself come down to meet me in the form of tiny arms wrapped around my neck. Or where I’d learn that intention comes in the form of offering rides to strangers up and down the mountain. Where yelling bye and hello and waving and honking and whistling came to define community. Came to define love. Such love. I didn’t know that when my friend Raffa rode past the tienda and yelled “alona!!!” my heart would be healed of a deep pain that I wasn’t known.
Here in Panimaquin the Lord has taught me the truest form of joy, taught me that I am a woman of deep JOY. He’s taken a season of shame and guilt and taught me that his grace runs deep, far, and wide. Taught me that kingdom will come through the vessel he has created me to be, because I am his daughter. Taught me that I am sufficient. He’s taken fear of rejection and replaced it with friends that know my name. Friends that ask for me. Friends that like handshakes and write me notes. God has taken me and restored parts of my heart that I didn’t know needed restoring. I didn’t know that Jesus set aside divine appointments for me here. I didn’t know the kindness of the Lord would be revealed to me through watching Fildio, Amos, and Noe ride home on their horse as the sun set behind them. Or that hugging Alicia, listing to her pray over me in Spanish, would break down every wall language barriers had ever put up. Panimaquin: Where Jesus promised restoration. Where my heart would be found, left, and taken all at the same time. I didn’t know Panimaquin. And, if I’m being honest, to try and describe it to you wouldn’t give this home of mine justice. so. Although in that first blog I said I was going to write about Panimaquin… through trying for weeks to put my heart together, I’ve realized that I can’t… I can’t find the words. I could never find the words to describe this feeling. This feeling of being known and so deeply cared for. This feeling of meeting brothers and sisters and moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas and family of mine. This reunion that the Lord has so patiently waited fro me to find. This heartache of having leave. This joy that comes from knowing I’ll be back. This feeling. This home… This home. I could never find the words. But I find rest in the fact that I know this feeling. Undoubtedly and so clearly. I can FEEL the weight of my heart. Feeling every emotion. Letting the Lord do what he’s gonna do. Words will never suffice. What I can say: I did ministry just above the clouds. Jesus met me there. gosh Jesus met me there.
Hey Lord… thank you for Panimaquin. Hey Panimaquin… thank you for the Lord.
