Prologue
It’s the World Race, month four of our eleven month global trek. This story takes place in Cambodia. Our team had been emailed in advance by the orphanage director a rigid schedule involving 0530 daily devotionals, many many roles to fill, and the overarching detail of living in and amongst the kids. Team Sozo is comprised of 6/7 people being introverted, only a few of us sporadically being inclined to kids…
Chapter 1
I remember first setting foot on the ground outside of the orphanage gate and immediately thinking how overwhelmed I was. I was withdrawn, cautious, feeling frustrated instead of enchanted by Asia and its differences, and realizing again how our all-girl team really meant we had no male presence, a thought that crosses my mind when we arrive to new places. I was very grateful I wasn’t one of the teams placed in the middle-of-no-where-towns for their ministry locations, but truthfully, I felt I was in my own middle-of-no-where, there in the heart of city.
I went to bed that night on a bunk bed that was graciously offered from an orphan boy, whom I still don’t know where he slept. I braved the malfunctioning shower in a closet, limited my interactions with my teammates in fear that I’d break down and cry, crawled under a mosquito net for my first time, and positioned my hair in my best calculated attempt to prevent it from touching the mattress, in fear of obtaining lice.
I was overwhelmed by what this month meant; the lack of personal space for the ever present introvert in me, the need to be constantly mindful of the security of my electronics (as per the orphanage directors’ warning on theft), the lack of time or place for physical exercise, the confirmation that rice was served at all meals, the language barriers, my discomfort of correcting misbehaving children, a lack of cleanliness, energy, comfort, and control.
Chapter 2
The next morning, I made a choice. I woke up determined to make the most of this month. I prayed with Meghan, my teammate about how we were both feeling- extremely overwhelmed. I first thanked God for this placement, and then I chose in. I chose to risk lice if it meant hugging and loving a child who is motherless, fatherless, and at a clear disadvantage in their young little life. I chose to not worry excessively about what I’d eat, what exercise I wouldn’t get, what space I wouldn’t have, what exhaustion I was sure to feel. After we prayed, I went down the stairs, and that was that. The kids melted my anxiety away with their need for love, affirmation, companionship, and guidance. There’s something different about these kids than any other kids I’ve met before, they made their way into my guarded heart, and showed me there is way more to life than what goes on inside my head. In exchange for my selfish perspective, I experienced human interaction that only the very hands of God could have orchestrated. I fell in love with these children in three days.
I realized my role:
As a woman; to mother the motherless.
As an adult; to teach and instruct, to be a guide, to those who lack adult influences.
I went from wishing a way out, to wondering if we had too little time.
Chapter 3
Too little time indeed. Two days later we received news that placed the future of the orphanage and the kids who called it home in severe question. Everyone gathered on the rooftop to talk and pray, I was one of the last to arrive, and I will never forget what I saw. The kids were gathered closely, praying all at once in Khmer out loud, reaching out to God for protection, for help. What they thought was their reality was proven tragically false, they were at risk of losing their home, at risk for being broken up when dispersed to other orphanages, at risk of being sent back to the provinces where their education would take a certain and severe hit, at risk for once again having no adult presence be their voice.
There was one child who caught my eye, and they way he prayed, man you never would’ve guessed he was 10 years old. I met him 3 days before and saw him as a young kid, but in that moment, I saw him as a man, boldly speaking to His God. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.
My team and I were the only adults present to oversee the kids. We dampened the emotional chaos by bringing food and water up to them, by sitting with them shoulder to shoulder, hugging some, praying with others, singing over them, collecting and navigating any information, all the while keeping an eye on our surroundings. I felt like my purpose in life changed from hey-I’m-Alana-and-at-home-I’m-a-nurse-and-friend, to right-now-I-need-to-protect-the-lives-and-futures-of-these-Cambodian-orphans. I’ve never seen, known, or felt what the absence of parents can mean for children. My life has never met such an incident.
Chapter 5
That same night, the kids were going to be split up among other orphanages, and we were asked to leave too, in a hurry because they were closing the gates. We left hugging the scattered and worried teenagers, the fidgety and oblivious youngsters, we left clammy from our anxious sweat, we left with tears in our eyes, we left stunned, confused, burdened, exhausted, we left in Cambodian tuktuks, we left in the pitch dark.
Chapter 6
I cannot have the month I had just mentally, spiritually, and physically committed to, the month our team could’ve excelled in and grown in. I still see so much purpose for each one of my teammates, had the events not played out like they did.
But way more importantly, I cannot be with the kids.
The following days we were unable to get back to our kids; I was given back my personal space, wifi, cleanliness, control… And you know what? I would’ve give anything to have the limited sleep, the kids always around, the potential for lice, the public speaking, the rigid schedule, I’d take it all, if it meant I could be with our kids again.
Five days after we were split up, we were granted one more day with them, we received approval to visit them to say our goodbyes.
The next day, we were en route to Thailand, two weeks earlier than planned.
Epilogue
That week our team experienced what some would call a minor trauma, we felt emotions in intensities we never had before, we were faced with a complex issue and we were in over our heads.
“On the day I called, You answered me, You made me bold with strength in my soul.”
Psalm 138:3
God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, He’s always in control, He knows every detail, He knows what He’s doing, and He gave us incredible strength, wisdom, and peace to process and continue our Races. Our team is recovering. And so this short story is not a story about when it all went so unexpectedly wrong, but rather a story that demonstrates Gods protection, His goodness, His incredible ability.
Psalm 139 is for our kids and for our comfort. It speaks how God knows each of our days, how He is always near, how darkness cannot overwhelm us.
2 Corinthians 8:3-7 speaks about how God is able to finish what He has started.
Ephesians 3:20 says that God is able to do far more abundantly than we can ask or THINK to ask.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says that God’s thoughts are higher than ours, His ways higher than our ways.
Romans 8:28 says that God is able to make good come from bad.
When I was asking God one morning what to pray for, He reminded me of an element of mothering. In the same way God gives a child to a woman and the woman gives the child back to God (in baby dedication) by letting go of control and allowing God’s will to occur, so I too must give back to God the kids He gave us for three days. I am not God, I cannot right the many wrongs, I cannot be their real mother, I cannot remain physically in Cambodia. But God can. And so this is where I am, in the process of releasing those precious kids back into the hands of God Almighty.
We’ve learned a new role as prayers and intercessors. My team and I spoke boldly in Jesus’ name; Jesus who conquered death and therefore holds all authority in Heaven and Earth, Jesus, He who lives in us. In Jesus’ name we prayed for strongholds to be broken over the kids, that evil has no power or authority over us or the kids or their futures, we asked God for extra protection over the kids, provision, for the truth to be known, for healing, for forgiveness, for growth, for education, for success, for dreams to come true, for a place to belong, for healthy self concepts, for unshakable faith in and love for the One True God.
Our team name Sozo, was fulfilled on a whole new level. Its definition states: verb. To save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction; to save one (from injury or peril); to save a suffering one (from perishing), to make well, heal, restore to health; to preserve one who is in danger of destruction, to save or rescue. We lived this out tangibly with these kids. We chose the name Sozo for each other, but God used us on a much larger scale.
FOREVER GOD IS WITH US
FOREVER GOD IS STRONG
FOREVER YOU ARE FAITHFUL
FOREVER
AND
EVER
All Glory and Praise be to the One True God
The End.
