I apologize that it’s been a while since my blog post; I’ve had “rhinobronchitis” (yes, it’s a real thing, google it) for over a week now and have just started seeing improvement in my health. Thank you for all the prayers, they’ve made the biggest difference!
In this blog post I feel like the Lord wants me to share something that He showed me this past week.
So back in the beginning of the summer I entered into what felt like a very dry season in my relationship with the Lord. It resulted in me having a hard time finding any motivation or desire to intentionally seek out time to spend with Him in the word or in prayer. This lasted throughout the summer and has continued even on my race. Being in a season of spiritual winter during a mission trip is super hard. It’s hard because I know that He called me to this and I know that I am where I’m supposed to be, yet I struggle to feel His presence. I struggle to hear His voice. I struggle with the motivation to continue to seek Him out when over and over again I’ve heard nothing. It’s hard because I look around me at the people I’m doing this thing with, and I can literally see their faith growing as they’re hearing from the Lord and receiving new revelations from Him. It’s hard because when I (and probably a lot of people) think of being on a mission trip, I automatically expect to be on this spiritual high; hearing from the Lord and seeing miracles and having an insane amount of joy on the daily. It’s hard coming in with such big expectations of fast spiritual growth and not seeing those expectations met.
Almost a week ago my team was together giving each other feedback, and one of the girls on my team had a bible passage for me that the Lord had given to her as she prayed for what feedback to give to me. She gave me the passage and told me she doesn’t know what it means for me, but to take it to the Lord. The passage was 1Kings 19; the part where Elijah is fleeing from Jezebel and he ends up sleeping in a cave in the mountains.
Verses 9-13 says:
“And the word of the Lord came to him:
‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’
He replied, ‘I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.’
The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, ‘What are you doing, Elijah?’”
I read the passage later that night and sat with it for a little bit before I realized what the Lord was trying to teach me. The Lord tells Elijah that He’s about to show up, and all of a sudden there’s a HUGE wind. Wind so insane and powerful that literally the mountains are getting torn apart – rocks and debris getting thrown everywhere. I imagine something like a huge tornado, and I imagine Elijah is probably freaking out and thinking, “Dang, now that’s an entrance.” But God didn’t appear when it ended; He wasn’t in the wind. Then an earthquake happens, and I bet it wasn’t a little one either. Elijah probably is expecting God to appear right after that one, but still He doesn’t show up. The earthquake finished and a fire started. There’s no way that wasn’t a big deal fire; burning probably everything around Elijah.
When the Lord does not reveal Himself after yet another astounding show of power, I imagine Elijah is probably wondering expectantly what next feat the Lord could perform that could top the wind, earthquake, and fire. He’s likely a little scared maybe; not really sure what to expect.
But I’m sure that after all of that craziness, what happened next was not was Elijah was expecting. There was a gentle whisper. And that’s where the Lord showed up.
I realized in reading that passage that I was expecting the Lord to show up and end my spiritual drought in a BIG way; like maybe an audible voice or writing appearing on a wall somewhere. He showed me that when I have my gaze spread so wide expecting to see something so big, it’s really, really easy to overlook the small things and that the small things are where God shows up the most often. Sometimes it takes searching to find them even, or a lot of quieting yourself to hear the whispers, but that’s where God usually is.
I reflected back on the past month and when I was looking, it wasn’t hard to see where God had shown up for me or where He had used me. He had shown up for me by giving me joy when I asked for it and by deepening my relationships with my squadmates. I saw when He gave me words for someone else that they needed to hear and I saw immediately that He was using this passage in 1 Kings to teach me about His voice. That I have to quiet myself to hear it, and that I should start looking for Him to reveal Himself to me in the small and quiet places.
