The final 72 hours before I flew out of Dulles International Airport I had a checklist that dragged the floor! Everything had to be done with precision; no room for mistakes.
But of course, there was a “SURPISE-SURPRISE” every… single… day. Non-stop obstacle and interruption of my plans piled on top of obstacle and interruption – some in my control, most of them completely out of my control. I laughed to keep myself from crying or getting angry. My thoughts were, “God, what are you doing, because you know good and well, AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO’ DIS!” There was not enough time to get everything done, so I had to prioritize and as much as it hurt my feelings I had to cut my checklist in half.
When it came down to it, what bothered me the most was the time I lost to invest in my hair. The ones that know me personally know how much value in worth I put in making sure my hair is done. I’m not ready if my hair is not done – I don’t care what the occasion is! But time ran out… It was time to go. So here I am, going on The World Race, stripped of my comfort of weaves and salons and left with the thin, curly bush that God just so happened to place on the top of my head and called it hair. Undone. I was undone. He un-did me. Stripped me of my pride and readiness. I lost my sense of value, to only realize that pride was my poverty… I was right where I needed to be. Dependent and desperate.
The little things started to really aggravate me, “Why was I required to be at this airport by 4:00pm if we are not boarding until closer to 9:00pm! I could’ve slept in this morning, I could have spent more time saying goodbye to my friends and family, I could’ve gotten my hair done!” In desperation, I sought Him intently.
That’s when I realized I was so busy going off my own agenda and not concerned with His. Not once did I consult Him to lighten my load or show me what to do in the limited time that remained. Perhaps consulting him would take up too much time. I had a plan and it did not consist of me doing the very thing that I swore by. How could I minister to others without feeding myself first? What good am I wandering without the Word? Not until I got to training camp did I get this revelation, and everything began to make sense. Every day I was wrecked by God as he humbled me physically and spiritually. My hair quickly became the least of my concerns as I was now concerned with the internal vices that I was too distracted and busy to see before now that hindered my true strength in Him. I remembered that I suck when I try to do things by myself. It was uncomfortable… but that is what made it so comfortable.
1 Corinthians 9:26-27
