We got back from our last time visiting the refugee corridor & my heart is both bursting & aching. This has truly been one of the most impactful experiences of my life & it will be branded in my memory for all of time.
But you already know that from my last blog.
I’ve been trying to weigh what is the most important thing to get across. Which stories I should tell so that your heart can ache with mine. How to leave you both affected but also filled with hope.
Spoiler alert: I am unable to accomplish this feat.
But I won’t let that stop me from at least giving you one more glimpse into these moments that have stirred me so deeply.
So.
The first time we went to the camps I wrote about only our first day — the day we were in Velika Kladusa. I didn’t even broach our second day which was in Bihac, so let me give you a little background on that now.
Bihac is a “camp” where the majority of the people are staying in this wreck of a building that can barely pass as a shelter. So much water drips down through every floor that no one is free from it. Many tents are crammed in the lower floors though some have chosen outside as a better option. The first time we went we weren’t even allowed to go in until it was scouted out by our hosts. They gave us the all clear but warned us of what we’d find.
The Red Cross had a presence in this camp so it initially gives you a false sense of security when in fact it’s there because that place is a wreck. The night after our first visit there was a stabbing, which didn’t surprise us as the death toll there was already above 10 in the short time that it had been a refugee location. Some of my team mates had also met some guys that wanted to talk about Jesus but were afraid to within the camp because they were certain that being overheard would mean death for them. They confided in my team mates that there were both Taliban & ISIS members there, so they had to be so very careful.
By the way…on the next visit those very men went to talk with my team mates about Jesus over lunch & all 3 of them eagerly accepted Christ. They stated that they had seen in Christians a “magic” that they wanted as well, & my friends were able to share that they too now had the magic — the Holy Spirit who would be with them always. Still feeling much fear, they went to a field far away & Ryan baptized them using a water bottle because they were so fervent about following Christ. What an incredible show of how God pursues people!
But back to that first day…I didn’t actually meet many people that first day, but I did meet a Red Cross volunteer whose story put me in awe. She was a young nurse but you could tell she wasn’t ignorant in the least — she knew exactly what she had chosen into by being there. She had had thyroid cancer as a teenager & it was removed & she had recovered. But then, not long ago, she found out that she had a brain tumor. Already she had been through so much & still was thriving! But now this.
I had only just met this girl & I felt crushed. The tumor is benign, but there’s not exactly built in space for that kind of thing in our heads, so it is still a big deal. But do you know why she was there? Because she didn’t want to just focus on herself & become depressed — she saw a need & wanted to go do something about it. She wasn’t letting her cicumstances rule her life, & that amazing choice & followthrough both encouraged & challenged me immensely.
So I spent a lot of time with her & less the refugees that day — I wanted to learn from her. But right before we left I did get to meet somebody. He had very intense eyes & he was staring at me where I stood. In the past, that would have scared me & I would have avoided him. But when he approached me, I felt no fear & was pleasantly surprised to find out that he was a Christian, which is why he had fled his country & was now here.
Even though I never saw him again, meeting him that once was worth it. I asked him what we could do for him — what he needed. & you know what he said? He said nothing. He didn’t need anything from me — he was just so thankful that we were there visiting & cared to hear his story. I was so humbled by that response & am grateful that there’s such thing as Facebook to help keep up with his progress. We haven’t spoken much but when we do I really love getting to cheer for him.
And that’s really the thing about both camps.
People just want to share their story…they need someone to see them & to listen. That second round of being at the refugee camps was so much better because nothing surprised us & we just got to really hone in on the real needs.
At Velika Kladusa I met an 18 year old boy who had been traveling alone for 9 months & had been in prison for 4 of those months because he had been caught at the wrong border crossings. He had been at university when the Taliban came recruiting & knew he’d be forced to join them so he escaped.
It’s not easy for anyone as a refugee, but when relief comes — everyone flocks to help the families.
But who would take care of my friend? He was alone.
He honestly had one of the sweetest dispositions & was just like the others in that he asked for nothing. I practically had to force him to take my umbrella. It was pouring & he didn’t even live in a real shelter — only a lean-to made of sticks & tarp. There wasn’t even a tarp floor…if he wanted to sleep that night, he would surely be on the soaked grass. My heart still aches thinking about him. But he stood eagerly beside me & used as much of his broken English as he could. He had a stutter but he smiled & tried very hard.
This is them using my umbrella to try to get a fire going in the non-stop rain…
& this is him…
People like him makes coming to these camps so difficult. You want to take him in, cook him a good meal, & give him a warm bed. But there are thousands of refugees in this area alone & they won’t stop coming…so we do what we can & give them as much love as we can & try not to let the sadness keep us from giving all we have to offer.
We did bring food to this camp the second week, which was difficult because we couldn’t feed everyone so we only really gave it to the people who we had made relationships with. People like the family with the feisty daughter who had gone through leukemia treatments last year at another camp & was still running around like she owned the camp, only in a bandana because she had lost all her hair. We gave to the family I met the first week who had invited me to sit with them immediately & who had the adorable twin boys. We gave to a mother, 2 sisters, & a brother who had fled Afghanistan because their father had been kidnapped by the Taliban. We gave food to our friend Tiger & his friends who helped look after that family. & there were so many others.
We sat in many tents & just listened. Bringing food before we left Velika Kladusa for the last time gave a little hope to our hearts, but it was extremely difficult to leave these people we had fallen in love with so easily.
Then there was the second day in Bihac. As I mentioned before, 3 men came to Christ & were baptized & that was a huge highlight of our discussion after the visit. But I was completely unaware of what was going on when that happened, so all I can tell you is what I experienced that day.
We started the morning the same as we had the week before. I know I haven’t mentioned it yet, but the first week in Bihac we went to the camp & the Red Cross told us that if we wanted to give them a better meal, we could help by buying some things to add to the lot already being served. So we went that first week & tried to find 2 things within our small budget — yogurt & cookies for 750 people.
A business-minded person might have gone to the store & found bulk cookies & thought that they could just be divided up, but that wasn’t Zeljko’s heart — he wanted them to really enjoy what they got. He wanted the kids to feel like they got a treat, not just some cheap cardboard cookie to make us feel like we had contributed.
The yogurt wasn’t too expensive but when none of the cookies were within price range, we all pulled out our wallets. Our hosts are missionaries — they’re already giving of their own budget to do this — trust me. They also brought money given by the church. But that just wasn’t enough, so we the World Racers all separately felt the compulsion to do what we could.
In the scheme of life — & even that day — we didn’t actually contribute that much.
But with much conviction & desire to love these people, we each gave what we could. We went to 2 stores & compared prices & debated over what the best option was, but in the end, we went with the yogurt & then chocolate-filled croissants.
& the looks on their faces when they got them were totally worth it.
Even better than the Racers giving what they could was when we were in the parking lot waiting for our car & a man saw the massive amount of food we had & asked what we were up to. When he found out it was for the refugees, he gave us enough money to buy bananas for the children.
This is the kind of thing that makes my heart swell. God sees these refugees & he hasn’t forgotten them.
So the second week we went & did the same — bought food & then went to deliver it to the Red Cross’s food for distribution. The lines for food for that many people are ridiculous, but they didn’t care & neither did we. People were fed, & even if it was just that one meal, we got to help make it a little better.
That second day in Bihac I got to meet a man who left his country for a myriad of reasons, but one included that he was outraged at the extremely poor way women are treated in his country & he wanted no part in it. & so he left & we had the privilege of talking with someone who really meant what he said he believed. His conviction was incredible & I enjoyed everything he had to share with us.
I also spent a lot of time at this final camp visit cleaning & bandaging wounds. The Red Cross had so few supplies & Zeljko bought a few more helpful things like medication for me to distribute, but many had ugly wounds from their attempts to cross the border & this was my chance to be a nurse.
It was pretty awful. Not because the wounds were so bad, but because they were completely manageable wounds — if only I had the right supplies.
But I didn’t.
Many I had to turn away — I couldn’t help them with their illness or pain.
One man had a wound that really needed to be cleaned well, but it was so deep that it caused too much pain for me to do what I really needed to do. I cleaned it as best as he would allow, dressed it, & then gave him more bandages for after the border crossing that night. Though I was technically helping people, that was the most discouraging thing that I did while I was there. I knew how to really help these people but I just didn’t have the supplies or space to make it happen. That was a pretty low point for me in all of this.
But each person was grateful & many endured what must have been a very painful cleansing of their wound in silence. Their faces were grim but they each thanked me sincerely.
I don’t want to leave this post on a low note, but I do want to share one more experience from Bihac that still causes my heart to ache.
Soon after we got to the camp, I met this a charismatic 11 year old boy. He was with the other kids as I handed out Kinder Surprise eggs I had brought them, but he wanted to do more than receive the treat — he wanted to chat.
He was bright & sweet & even walked with me down to the ground floor & kept talking. Eventually there wasn’t a lot more for a pre-teen to say to a 31 year old woman, but he sweetly just looked up at me & asked if it was okay for him to go play. What a doll. Yes, of coarse it was okay. He gave me a huge grin & then scampered off with his friends.
What about that is worth sharing? So I met a nice kid — big deal.
The big deal is that while he & I were chatting, his father approached us. As soon as the man found out I was an American he begged me to take his son home with me to America. His urgency was profound & I think he truly thought he had hope for his boy’s future when he saw me.
How do you take mere words & shape them into a picture that will alter the reader’s life? If only I could sufficiently supply you with the gift of reliving my experiences at the refugee camps in Velika Kladusa & Bihac through my writing. I am at a loss. All I know is that if I could, I would have taken that man’s son. I might be a little young for an 11 year old but I would have taken him home in a heart beat & loved him as my own. I would raise him with pride for his heritage. I would raise him to work hard & make his family proud. I would raise him to have the kind of grit that his parents had to get as far as they got.
I know I would have because even now when I think of him, I still want to take him home. My heart aches at the thought of him & I wish I could be enrolling him in school. I wish I could take him to church & let him meet Sean, Bash, & the other boys. I wish I could take him swimming at Aunt Jean’s pool & I wish I could take him to learn how to garden from my dad & eat cookies that my mom made. I wish he could meet my nieces & nephews & call them his cousins & get to have my brother & sister-in-law as his phenomenal uncle & aunt. I wish I could give all these things to this boy & would even trade in my love for travel to settle down & provide for him.
But I can’t. I can’t & my heart is just a little bit broken.
But. I do have hope for him. For them. Hope that their charisma & sheer will can get them where they are headed — to a better life. I have hope that they will have a safe place to live one day. I could let statistics & the obstacles in the way bring me down, but I won’t. Because now they have me cheering for them. Praying for them.
The truth is that I will never know if they safely make it, but I can’t give up hope because they never will.
So go home tonight & hug the people you love. Tell them why you’re glad they’re in your life. Take time to celebrate the great riches you possess within your own family, because even if you aren’t making a lot or you wish you had a better family or friends, you’re not this guy — trying desperately just to give his son a better life. Take time to be grateful for all you have, because so many don’t have the basic things we take for granted every day. & most of all — pray. Your prayers could make all the difference as our friends walk a little further today.
