Um, hi. So it’s been a while…as you’ve discovered, I am not a great blogger. You’re probably surprised by this — I never shut up in person — how is it I haven’t written a gajillion blog posts yet? I’ve told you all that I want you to go with me and be part of this, so why haven’t I kept you in the loop in the months that have passed?
Oh boy…good question. How could I leave you hanging when I have been so adamant that I want you to be fully in this with me? I thought maybe I could blame it on work or spending time with my family and church family before leaving, but I know that isn’t it. That’s not why I haven’t told you about training camp, fundraising, and how things are going as I prepare to leave my current life behind in pursuit of something much better. So what was the problem?
The answer is simply this: complete and utter paralysis.
It is so amazing to reflect on the 5+ year timeline it’s taken for God to prepare me for the Race; there have been so many great things He’s done up to this point. But until October 18th, all of those things were on par with who I knew God to be. I’ve been growing but never have I experienced what I did that day, the first day of World Race training camp. Though I have no desire to diminish any of the great things God has done in my life to this point, there was something seriously different and special about training camp. It painfully pushed me and expanded me in ways that I had never anticipated, but I am so grateful. I came home like a person who finally puts on the glasses they’ve been needing for years. The world was the same, but I was changed and I wanted to tell everyone. So what’s the problem? I have a blog for this exact purpose — just do it, baby!
And I wanted to. But then I sat down to explain it in words.
Funny thing about words — I have always loved them and have rarely been without them. But this time when I needed them most, they deserted me.
How could I possibly express the depth of which my heart has been moved during the past few months? How can I show you the reality of the spiritual warfare that has steadily beat against me as I’ve prepared to leave? How can I adequately describe the immensity of God’s provision and the beauty of His people pulling together like a family and a team to face whatever comes our way? How can I make you understand the intensity of all the phenomenal things God is doing and how it is changing the very center of how I operate?Reality check: I can’t.
I could attempt to relay all that has stirred and motivated me, but I’d likely ramble past your level of interest. I can’t make you feel my feelings or understand the range of wonder God has brought me through as I’ve watched Him work over the past few months. That realization stopped me dead in my tracks. Why bother if you won’t ever understand all I’ve been through? Why say it if I can’t do it in a way that moves you the way I’ve been moved? What’s the point?
I am so foolish. The point isn’t that you feel all my feels or be stretched the way I have been stretched. The point is to give you a taste — a sample of it all. Training camp could be an 8 part chronicle, but it shouldn’t be. It changed my life — when I reflect on what God is doing, I will be able to share parts of training camp with you as they come up. But what you need now isn’t the life story, it’s a status update. I know this realization should have happened earlier and I’m sorry for leaving you in the dark — forgive me. I’ve been afraid of my own inadequacies to the point of paralysis and that’s not okay.
Do you know the story of the paralytic in Luke 5:17-26? There is a man who is paralyzed and can’t help himself, so his friends decide to help him. They try fighting through the crowd but it’s futile, so they find another way — literally removing tiles to lower the man through the ceiling to get him to Jesus. And ya know what happens after that? Jesus sees their faith and responds by healing that man and the lame gets up and walks.
I have been that paralyzed man and some of you have seen the road blocks that have kept me from running forward in this venture and have taken me up — removed “tiles” in my way — and taken me to Jesus over and over. Blogging is quite a small thing compared to many others I am facing, but I just wanted you the faithful to know that your prayer has not been in vain — Jesus is doing the healing and I am starting with this one small step forward. So keep praying — He can overcome even the most stubbornly paralyzed parts of my life and help me step forward. The best part is, I’m not alone — He is with me and so are so many of you. Thank you for your patience in my weakness and please forgive my silence. The trip begins in T minus 11 days — it’s time to start running. So come on with me now — I’m ready for forward motion. Let’s go.
