I don’t remember the last time I felt so ugly.
I mean, I know I’m not the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth… but up until this past month I’ve never looked in the mirror, day after day, and left feeling completely disgusted with myself. I’m beyond frustrated with my hair; I can’t seem to do anything with it because of the awful humidity of Thailand.
But why do I expect to look glamorous on the World Race – as a missionary – living in 3rd world countries with limited access to the things I would have in America? Even worse, why do I think frizzy hair is too big a sacrifice to make for God — especially compared to the price Jesus paid for my freedom? And why when I don’t like what I see in the mirror does it have such a huge, negative impact on my self worth?
Because I’m a woman. Because our society measures me mostly by the way that I look. Because from a young age, I’ve learned to build the foundation of my identity on my physical appearance – which is completely counter to everything God – my Papa – tells me. And because all too often I fail to walk in His Truth. Maybe you can relate.
But… “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7.
As a Christian woman, my whole life is a battle between truth and lies. Sadly, this month I’ve allowed lies to dominate my thoughts about myself, and I’ve allowed these lies to distract my heart from the things that really matter. And you know what? I’m tired of giving those lies permission to have control over me.
The truth is, when Abba, my Creator, looks at me (and you), these words pour from His lips: “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride” Song of Solomon 4:9.
He’s enamored by His creation, and His heart skips a beat when He looks upon the face He carefully and intentionally created. Even when my hair looks like I’ve stuck my finger in an electrical socket, and my face is smudged with dirt, and I haven’t been able to change my clothes in a few days, He still looks at me all the same – in awe and amazement. And His opinion is the only one that matters, because the foundation of my identity is built upon His truth – the Word of God!
Yes, I do want a husband someday, and I have to think that many of us women go through these “I feel so ugly” moments because we desire male attention. After all, we were created to desire and to be desired… but desire needs to begin and end with God. And even in the midst of a crazy-hair induced emotional break down (which sounds more dramatic than it really was), I stand knowing full well that Papa’s created a man specifically for me who will look at me the same way He does. A man who will see me and say, “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride. You have stolen my heart.”
That is TRUTH. Sweet, simple, liberating truth. And nothing – not even crazy, frizzy hair (insert your own thing here) can deny or change that TRUTH.
So, in honor of Him – the one who hand crafted me, I am going to embrace my crazy hair and praise Him because I am wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139). I’m going to embrace the curls, hair color, body, etc. that Papa’s given me. And I’m going to instead focus on allowing Him to create a beautiful heart in me — because that’s what really matters.
There’s nothing more stunning on a woman than a pure, loving, selfless heart. Nothing more enchanting and lovely than a woman with the heart of Jesus. And when people look at me, the first thing I want them to see is the “glow” that comes from the beautiful, Christ-like heart God’s created in me.
“I give it all to you God trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me”…
TRUTH:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:3
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
“For your Maker is your husband–the LORD Almighty is his name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5
