(Written Feb. 28th)
These past two weeks have been so hard. Shortly after arriving here in El Salvador I became sick; nothing too bad, just some digestive troubles and decided maybe I should go get tested for parasites (This is a very common ailment you can get from eating fresh fruits and veggies or from drinking water when traveling; parasites and worms are very easily cleared up with 2 tiny pills unless not attended to for a long period of time). Sure enough I had a couple parasites so I started the treatment of 4 different drugs, which was no big deal. The day after I started my pills I began violently throwing up and having unpleasant bathroom experiences. It felt like something was clawing at my stomach, and I was really weak, dizzy and feverish. I heard some people can experience side effects from the meds, but it turned out I had a flu virus going aroundon top of having parasites. Needless to say, I was miserable for about a week. After that various small things just kept frustrating me and making me uncomfortable: swarms of mosquitos attacking us in the night; geckos jumping at me in the kitchen; both my bank cards and both my credit cards not working anywhere in the city; and having to tell the cooks every day that I was allergic to pork and still finding it in my food. Throw culture shock and homesickness on top of all that, and you can see why I was having second thoughts about being on the Race. I felt like my team didn’t understand me, my finances weren’t coming in and all I could think of was: This is not what I signed up for.
I have been reading through Mark and God totally blew my mind the other day.
I find the process of Jesus starting his ministry and recruiting his disciples really fascinating. He heads to the beach and as Peter and Andrew are coming ashore he calls them to become fishers of men, and right away, with no hesitations they drop their nets and follow him. What kind of man does it take for people to just drop everything they’ve ever known and instantly follow him? Knowing a bit more about the culture of the time, helps it all make sense. In that time, the greatest profession a Jewish man could have attained, would have been to become a Rabbi. These men were the smartest and the most respected. The lowest profession would have been something along the lines of fisherman. For Peter and Andrew to have a Rabbi (Jesus) come up to them and say, “follow me” was the opportunity of a lifetime and such an exciting thing. They must have been so filled with joy to lay down their nets and follow an amazing teacher like Jesus; what a privilege! But then as they start their ministry and they've all left behind family, friends, a constant roof over their heads and constant food in their bellies; Jesus is starving himself out in the desert for forty days; and healing people on the Sabbath; talking to demons; putting religious leaders in their place; turning over tables; and having such dangerously-large amounts of people crowding him that he has to get in a boat to preach—I imagine the disciples had many moments where they thought or said: “this is not what I signed up for.”
It wasn’t right away that they understood what they had gotten themselves into. They struggled to understand what it meant to be the greatest in the kingdom; they struggled to understand what kind of people Jesus came to love; and they struggled to let go of the idea of the Messiah coming with an army and overthrowing the government. But what I love is they stuck with it. Well, of course many of his followers left and found his teachings too challenging or too hard to accept, but his main 12 stuck with it even though it was never what they expected. And I have to believe that when they came to the end of it all, after seeing their greatest friend die brutally and rise again, they were so glad their calling was not what they signed up for.
And so am I.
This Race is so, so, so hard. Daily I am faced with the choice to live like life is all about my comfort or to live like life is all about the King and the Kingdom. I must daily choose a positive attitude that prefers my team over myself; that loves these children even when I am sick and tired and sad; that understands the ministry contacts are not here to serve me, but I am here to serve them; that realizes God’s definition of good and the world’s definition of good are very different from each other; and that believes hard is not bad. No this Race has not even come close to what I expected, and I thank God for that! How little we know what we really need in life!
May you too come to realize the goodness in the “unfortunate turn of events” and may you too come to love the Lord’s goodness and not the worlds.
