As I have mentioned before in previous blogs, I never realized how hard this race was going to be. I signed up thinking I was going to get out here in the world and do some hard work for the Lord and love every minute of it. But the more we press in to community and the more I ask the Lord to refine me and search me, the more I realize there is a lot in my life that needs to be cleaned up and a lot of brokenness that needs to be healed. I have an extremely hard time opening up with my team and being vulnerable. When you love people, you have to allow them into the deeper parts of yourself; you have to abandon surface level conversations about weather, ice cream and your favorite TV show; and you have to let them into that place of hurts from the past, struggles of this very moment and fears of what tomorrow my bring. You also get to celebrate victory over past pains, release in this moment and peace about what the next day may bring. But I have only been seeing the first parts, the hard parts, and I have been resistant to the celebrations and the freedom.
A couple days ago I washed my clothes Honduran style by hand over a bumpy, cement table, type thing. And let me tell you, it was hard! It took a lot of upper body strength, especially in the arms. I whined about it a lot at first and then something clicked in me and I realized I could go deeper and I could push harder. So I zoned in to this fighter mode where I scrubbed and scrubbed. Beads of sweat dripped down my face as the sun shone hot on my back and someone in passing simply said: “You look like you’ve been doing this your whole life!” And I heard the Father say, “Aisha, You’re stronger than you think.” And then I realized if I can tap into deeper strength to wash my clothes, then why can’t I tap into a deeper, inner strength to press through my emotional, mental and spiritual processes? These past couple days I have been doing that. When the Lord heals you and when He leads you through your junk, life ought to get lighter and we ought to get stronger. I have to wonder if when we feel heavy and when we feel like this process is too hard, if we are just living in a lie that, this has to hurt or this has to suck or this has to be so unpleasant. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit. If the same spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is living inside of me, then I ought to be feeling lighter and I ought to have the strength to say, “Today I am going to live free!”
So, may you too tap in to the strength that is inside of you and may you press through with joy and with freedom! Be light! Be less weighed down! You ARE stronger than you think!
